uni blues

i just got the email from SMU regarding my matriculation.

............. :(


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. this is SO SAD. ok i shouldn't be saying this but AHHHHHHHH. i need to let this out, after weeks of trying to be positive.

i DON'T WANT to go to smu because i don't want to do business! what i really, really want is to do medicine! GAAAHH.

i keep trying to tell myself that i'm crazily lucky to go to smu and to take a double degree! ok let's admit, i'm so unprepared to go there. i mean, i don't even know what am i going to study. i totally have no ideas what kind of modules you have to take, and how many years i have to study for! i don't know how much am i to pay per year. i don't know anything, and everything.

now you know how ready i am to enter smu.

my heart sank when i got the email about the matriculation. so being a bit more concerned about my future, i went to check out the website provided. the more i read, the worse i felt. god, there's going to be a camp. ARGHHHH. this is one of the few times that i don't feel a teeny weeny bit of excitement when it comes to camps. actually, this is the only time! unless my memory failed me once again, which tends to happen rather frequently.

great. and i have to pay thousands of bucks for a course i don't want to take. GAAAHH.

and i have to go for stupid health screenings, go for the matriculation, go for orientation, go for blah blah blah. in summary? things i don't want to go for because i don't want to be there.

ok i'm behaving like a spoilt brat. if you guys are put off by me, especially those who are entering smu, i'm sorry. it's not because i think that being a doctor is much more prestigious than being in business. but it's simply because i WANT to be a doctor. that's what i've always wanted to be. and honestly, i think being in business requires more brains, a lot more interpersonal skills. sure, having good social skills is a plus point in every occupation, but i feel it's more essential in business. if you can't really speak well as a doctor, u wont die, if you can give correct diagnosis and give the correct solution to the problem, you are safe! perhaps you wont be very popular, then just don't go private lar! GAAAAHHH.

*rant rant rant rant rant*

*GRUMBLES*

and i've not gotten any replies from the other 3 aust unis. this sucks. maybe i should be positive, no news is good news! but i need to get on with life. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. whatever, anything.

anything, whatever.


*pulls hair*

for now, i'll just try to pretend that i didn't receive that email. for as long as possible? bwaaah :(.


can't things ever, ever go right?


.....sigh.