rant

oh, i just feel like ranting.

i don't know what on earth am i doing. but that's where things get fun, right? :p

the release of the results are getting closer.. well, nothing to say lar. feeling kinda terrible inside. usually can keep it in, unless some people decide to discuss about when it's going to be released of ask me about my plans. must act strong! HEH HEH.

sheesh i havent cleaned up my room since A's. it's in a MESS. and i'm too lazy to do something about it. grr.

i miss going to the beach. i miss cycling. i miss smiling really happily or crying like the world's going to end. i'm just so... tensed. i don't like high-strung me. there can be some distractions here and there, but the tension's still there.

maybe one of these days i'll go to the beach. like the coming monday! if i happen to be free. then i'll need to hunt for kah kees.

anyway, i passed my basic theory test. finished it in 10mins, decided to check, but gave up on checking halfway cuz i felt like i was wasting my time. so in arnd 15mins, i decided to just click the end test button. thank gawd i passed, or i'll kill myself for not checking properly haha!

and now, i got to study for advanced theory. baah, it's so much thicker!! -complain complain-.

i don't know what i want. or do i? i just don't want to hurt people, that's clear. but other than that, my mind's a mess.

i'm pretty bored with my life right now i think. not that it's super uneventful, in fact it's pretty eventful given that i do go out still. and i have things to do(but i am procastinating. dont wanna work my brain). but something's lacking. and i don't know what, not consciously at least.

and whatever's missing, is making my life damn dull.

i was just telling jia li, that sometimes i feel like a really bad friend? because i don't know what to say or do. how do you move on? how to you help others to move on? talking about it doesn't seem right, acting normal is not right either. acting normal is not being normal, it's merely pretending. so i avoid. and that is really bad.

ahhhh. sigh.

ok i'm going off. some things cannot be said here. maybe i should change my blog add so that only the selected few can view it.

night all, and please take care.