funny emails

today i've gotten two funny emails! as i'm sucha kind girl, i shall share my joy and happiness with you all :):):)



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Email 1:

Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.
Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules "From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!


1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work!Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done.Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle, besides we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;


But did you know men really don't mind that?
It's like camping.

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh

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Email 2:

Why I Fired My Secretary

Last week was my birthday
And I didn't feel very well
Waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast
Hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and
Possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out,
She barely said good morning,
Let alone
" Happy Birthday."

I thought...
Well,
that's marriage for you,
But the kids....
They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
And somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office,
My secretary Jane said,
"Good Morning Boss,
And by the way
Happy Birthday ! "
It felt a little better
That at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock ,
When Jane knocked on my door
And said, "You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
And it is your Birthday,
What do you say we go out to lunch,
Just you and me."
I said, "Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go !"

We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
Where we normally would go.
She chose instead a quiet bistro
With a private table.
We had two martinis each
And I enjoyed the meal tremendously.

On the way back to the office,
Jane said, "You know,
It's such a beautiful day...
We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do We ?"

I responded,
"I guess not.
What do you have in mind ?"
She said,
"Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner."

After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
" Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
For just a moment.
I'll be right back."

"Ok." I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and,
After a couple of minutes,
She came out
Carrying a huge birthday cake ...
Followed
By my wife,
My kids,
And dozens of my friends
And co-workers,
All singing "Happy Birthday".

And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Naked.


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HAHAHAA. ok well I was amused. hope you are. wheeee :):):)!!

ok i well one of the reasons why i'm blogging is cuz i got a comment from gil that i ain't updating enough. so yar. i'll reply tags when i'm home or something. laalaaalaaaaaa~~~~~!