funny quotes

i'm in one of my stupid moods again. decided to showcase some quotes(yes i think i've put them up 3 times already haha but i can't help it!). was debating with myself on whether should i put the title as "funny quotes" or "stupid quotes". decided on "funny", but it's a bad move because now everyone will know what is funny to me and can now accuse me of having a lousy sense of humour. hahahahaha!

hahahaha. haha.

haha?

...ha.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The early worm gets eaten by the bird.

Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.

I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

A day without sunshine is like... night. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

The things that come to those who wait are usually the things left over by those who got there first.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

“If we do not succeed, we will fail.” ~Ronald Reagen