你总是说我在
这样孤单时候
才会想与你联络
然而谈的情
说的爱不够
说来就来说走就走
怎么会不懂我
怎么会不知道
女人的心是脆弱
寂寞不是我
不能够忍受
只是每一天
我想你太多
其实不想走
其实我想留
留下来陪你每个春夏秋冬
你要相信我
再不用多久
我要你和我今生一起度过
其实不想走
其实我想留
留下来陪你每个春夏秋冬
你要相信我
再不用多久
我要你和我今生一起度过
(music)
怎么会不懂我
怎么会不知道
女人的心是脆弱
寂寞不是我
不能够忍受
只是每一天
我想你太多
其实不想走
其实我想留
留下来陪你每个春夏秋冬
你要相信我
再不用多久
我要你和我今生一起度过
其实不想走
其实我想留
留下来陪你每个春夏秋冬
你要相信我
再不用多久
我要你和我今生一起度过
i love this song. happen to hear it on the radio today. the lyrics sound nearly quite suitable. hahaha!
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
india pilgrimage slides
i'm preparing the slides for india pilgrimage now. oh my goooodneeessss, can die laaa. got SO MANY PHOTOS. going to take 10 years to go through this. gaaaaaaaaahhhh :/
and thus it has ended. :)
24 - 27 january, those 4 days flew by.
i feel a great sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, and yet also a sense of loss.
anyway, for those who don't know what i'm talking about, i've been acting in the play Passage of Time for those 4 days. let me recount my experience....
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
24th January 2008; The First Night
loads of glitches. people missing their cues, coming out onto the scene late, etc. it's like a rehearsal la. in fact, we didn't have a rehearsal at all on the same day. the last rehearsal was the night before. felt it was pretty sucky, it was the worst of all the shows.
25th January 2008; The Second Night
we had a good show! but i almost had a heart attack, when i went backstage in between scenes to change, as i discovered that my costume was missing! turned out that auntie tusita took my clothes and ran off to the changing room. luckily someone ran to find her and i managed to somehow miraculously change in time for my scene (which was next). had a minor short circuit in my head, and almost screwed up the lines for that scene and the next one. luckily, nothing bad happened and all turned out well in the end hahahaha.
26th January 2008; The Third Day (Matinee)
the cast and some bf members were invited to a special lunch dana with Ajahn Brahm. but due to the lack of time, the cast left before finishing lunch :(. super rushed. didn't have much time for make up and stuff, back stage was chaotic. 3 mins to 5 mins before the play started, shu and pam came backstage to find me (thank you babes!) even though by right they weren't supposed to. and i was still doing my hair and make-up! gosh. so yes, under-prepared, partly complacent too. result was an extremely terrible first half. thank goodness things improved after the interval, managed to get some mood back. was feeling so apologetic towards my friends who came. thank you veron, juncheng, ta, pam and shu for coming! really appreciate your presence :).
26th January 2008; The Third Day (Night Show)
a lot of negativity while preparing for the night show. kept on thinking of how badly i acted in the day. thank goodness for angie, nick, wj, and everyone else who kept on encouraging me and told me to let go. this round i had time to get into character, and nick pulled me to send metta together with him to the audience. think it worked. hahaha. things went very very well, as if it was to make up for the afternoon show. the energy of the entire cast was very high. despite minor mistakes made here and there for the Finale, everyone was just so happy and joyful. felt extremely happy that night. the audience left very happy :). oh oh, Edmund Chen, Xiang Yun and their kids came. had compliments from them, made me very happy!
27th January 2008; The Last Night
ahh, the VIP night. had Minister of Health, Mr Khaw Boon Wan, and his wife to grace the event. Liu Ling Ling (actress of 881) came too! that night was very very good too. personally, i felt that i peaked on this night. however, as a cast, the best was the night before, the energy was higher. as an actress, this was my personal best. very happy.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
overall, i'm very satisfied with how things turned out. things have improved as a whole from last year's show. and despite my lack lustre performance on the first night and the matinee show, i still recieved kind and positive comments. so yes. it's very encouraging! should i ever get a chance to act again, i'll strive and work even harder!!
as individuals, everyone has grown, in both acting and maturity. it's amazing to see how much things have changed in just 1 year. i will miss everyone terribly when i leave.
have loads of things to do before i leave. i have 13 more days. jia you hui lin!
i feel a great sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, and yet also a sense of loss.
anyway, for those who don't know what i'm talking about, i've been acting in the play Passage of Time for those 4 days. let me recount my experience....
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
24th January 2008; The First Night
loads of glitches. people missing their cues, coming out onto the scene late, etc. it's like a rehearsal la. in fact, we didn't have a rehearsal at all on the same day. the last rehearsal was the night before. felt it was pretty sucky, it was the worst of all the shows.
25th January 2008; The Second Night
we had a good show! but i almost had a heart attack, when i went backstage in between scenes to change, as i discovered that my costume was missing! turned out that auntie tusita took my clothes and ran off to the changing room. luckily someone ran to find her and i managed to somehow miraculously change in time for my scene (which was next). had a minor short circuit in my head, and almost screwed up the lines for that scene and the next one. luckily, nothing bad happened and all turned out well in the end hahahaha.
26th January 2008; The Third Day (Matinee)
the cast and some bf members were invited to a special lunch dana with Ajahn Brahm. but due to the lack of time, the cast left before finishing lunch :(. super rushed. didn't have much time for make up and stuff, back stage was chaotic. 3 mins to 5 mins before the play started, shu and pam came backstage to find me (thank you babes!) even though by right they weren't supposed to. and i was still doing my hair and make-up! gosh. so yes, under-prepared, partly complacent too. result was an extremely terrible first half. thank goodness things improved after the interval, managed to get some mood back. was feeling so apologetic towards my friends who came. thank you veron, juncheng, ta, pam and shu for coming! really appreciate your presence :).
26th January 2008; The Third Day (Night Show)
a lot of negativity while preparing for the night show. kept on thinking of how badly i acted in the day. thank goodness for angie, nick, wj, and everyone else who kept on encouraging me and told me to let go. this round i had time to get into character, and nick pulled me to send metta together with him to the audience. think it worked. hahaha. things went very very well, as if it was to make up for the afternoon show. the energy of the entire cast was very high. despite minor mistakes made here and there for the Finale, everyone was just so happy and joyful. felt extremely happy that night. the audience left very happy :). oh oh, Edmund Chen, Xiang Yun and their kids came. had compliments from them, made me very happy!
27th January 2008; The Last Night
ahh, the VIP night. had Minister of Health, Mr Khaw Boon Wan, and his wife to grace the event. Liu Ling Ling (actress of 881) came too! that night was very very good too. personally, i felt that i peaked on this night. however, as a cast, the best was the night before, the energy was higher. as an actress, this was my personal best. very happy.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
overall, i'm very satisfied with how things turned out. things have improved as a whole from last year's show. and despite my lack lustre performance on the first night and the matinee show, i still recieved kind and positive comments. so yes. it's very encouraging! should i ever get a chance to act again, i'll strive and work even harder!!
as individuals, everyone has grown, in both acting and maturity. it's amazing to see how much things have changed in just 1 year. i will miss everyone terribly when i leave.
have loads of things to do before i leave. i have 13 more days. jia you hui lin!
Monday, January 21, 2008
goodbye, zen neeon
my zen neeon's like dead. i can't turn it on, and when it doesn't respond when i hook it up to the computer.
ok, it IS dead.
so yes, i'll have to buy a new mp3 player. actually i don't HAVE to, but i want to. oops? hahaha.
dear friends, i don't mind getting a mp3 player as a farewell gift. take it as 5 years worth of bday presents.quite a good deal really, especially if you are sharing. hahaha.
ok just kidding, cuz i know no one will buy one for me :p. i'm just too lazy to go and buy lar. and i don't know what's good in the market now. any suggestions?
oh, i can't bear to lose all of my songs. cuz now my songs are all over the place, some of them are already deleted from the com. geez. oh wells.
ok, it IS dead.
so yes, i'll have to buy a new mp3 player. actually i don't HAVE to, but i want to. oops? hahaha.
dear friends, i don't mind getting a mp3 player as a farewell gift. take it as 5 years worth of bday presents.quite a good deal really, especially if you are sharing. hahaha.
ok just kidding, cuz i know no one will buy one for me :p. i'm just too lazy to go and buy lar. and i don't know what's good in the market now. any suggestions?
oh, i can't bear to lose all of my songs. cuz now my songs are all over the place, some of them are already deleted from the com. geez. oh wells.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
yawn**
lousy blog post title i know. hehheh. today i had another tiring round of rehearsals. wah. can die can die ahhaha. anyway feel like posting photos... posted in chronological order.
taken during Real Run 07, where we ran 10km with some other bf members. my virgin jump. wheeeee
taken on thurs. where only me, wj, mandy, ly turned up for this supposedly full cast rehearsal. hahaha. was so bored that day. didnt help that 3 of us were sick.
taken during today's rehearsal. hohoho. hmm we are quite sadistic actually. and we took that in front of the buddha statue some more. haha.
dinner:)
lovely sky today. the sky has been beautiful lately.
my latest photoshop product. woohoo. bored la, bored la.
taken during Real Run 07, where we ran 10km with some other bf members. my virgin jump. wheeeee
taken on thurs. where only me, wj, mandy, ly turned up for this supposedly full cast rehearsal. hahaha. was so bored that day. didnt help that 3 of us were sick.
taken during today's rehearsal. hohoho. hmm we are quite sadistic actually. and we took that in front of the buddha statue some more. haha.
dinner:)
lovely sky today. the sky has been beautiful lately.
my latest photoshop product. woohoo. bored la, bored la.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Envy
gosh, ego and envy is such a big ugly monster.
even though i tell myself to let go, the feeling still arises in me. like why does ___ get such treatment but not me?? [even though it's not confirmed that i wont be treated that way, but it's probably so, based on unfortunate experiences]
yet again, i can understand why i'm not given such treatment. it's just unfortunate that i'm sort of involved in ___ treatment, so i'm aware of it. such a horrid feeling.
aiya what a waste of time thinking of it. ok i'm done. hahaha :).
even though i tell myself to let go, the feeling still arises in me. like why does ___ get such treatment but not me?? [even though it's not confirmed that i wont be treated that way, but it's probably so, based on unfortunate experiences]
yet again, i can understand why i'm not given such treatment. it's just unfortunate that i'm sort of involved in ___ treatment, so i'm aware of it. such a horrid feeling.
aiya what a waste of time thinking of it. ok i'm done. hahaha :).
Friday, January 18, 2008
Movies // film
whoa ho! i was browsing through Rotten Tomatoes, and then i remembered this favourite movie of mine, Who Framed Roger Rabbit! goodness, a classic. i remembered watching this on tape over and over again. and guess what? some kind soul has actually uploaded the whole thing onto youtube! think i'm going to watch it again now even though i'm super tired.
i just found out that it was made in 1988! the year i was born. wow. ok it's amazing to me hahahhaa.
and guys, if you haven't watched Pan's Labyrinth, go watch it. it's.... very, very good. very dark, very sad, very touching. can't remember who i watched it with. anyway, it garnered 96% thumbs up in Rotten Tomatoes! wowee.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
so, the filming has come to an end.
my verdict:
1. i'm NOT videogenic. gawd.
2. i'm too used to theatre style.
3. please refer to point number 1.
despite my complaints, i thoroughly enjoyed myself. i have met very nice people there. very interesting people who are really talented. one of them composes his own songs, and they are very nice. another takes beautiful photographs (actually they all like taking photos, just that i happened to see the photos from one guy).
part of me aspires to be like them. to be so talented in the artistic side. like photography, always in the moment. beautiful.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
regretted not speaking to joce and alicia more when i met them today. oh wells.
haha, he's like an ah peh now. bought salon pas for him, which didn't really work. tried finding Bengay's to no avail. wonder where my mom bought it...
i just found out that it was made in 1988! the year i was born. wow. ok it's amazing to me hahahhaa.
and guys, if you haven't watched Pan's Labyrinth, go watch it. it's.... very, very good. very dark, very sad, very touching. can't remember who i watched it with. anyway, it garnered 96% thumbs up in Rotten Tomatoes! wowee.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
so, the filming has come to an end.
my verdict:
1. i'm NOT videogenic. gawd.
2. i'm too used to theatre style.
3. please refer to point number 1.
despite my complaints, i thoroughly enjoyed myself. i have met very nice people there. very interesting people who are really talented. one of them composes his own songs, and they are very nice. another takes beautiful photographs (actually they all like taking photos, just that i happened to see the photos from one guy).
part of me aspires to be like them. to be so talented in the artistic side. like photography, always in the moment. beautiful.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
regretted not speaking to joce and alicia more when i met them today. oh wells.
haha, he's like an ah peh now. bought salon pas for him, which didn't really work. tried finding Bengay's to no avail. wonder where my mom bought it...
Thursday, January 10, 2008
林憶蓮
i love this song. it's by 林憶蓮, <情人的眼淚>, Dick Lee's remixed version. so subtly sexy and sensuous. think my aunt used to play the tape (or it's just distorted memories hehe). check out <夜太黑> by her too. whoa, sexy with class. <傷痕> is a good song too.
gaah there's the filming tomorrow (today, to be accurate. it's 12:25am). boooo :(
but might get to see the bf! thus am i appeased :).
ytd, i couldnt sleep till around 4am. and i was woken up by the vacuum cleaner at 9:30am. oh, so sad. luckily i managed to take a 3 hour nap in the evening. hope i can sleep later haha. really sucks. and the poor boy slept even less than me, couldnt sleep in the afternoon, and coughs more than me. sigh.
oh, ta is coming for the show! ok i'm really happy :).
i so need to change my wardrobe. sheesh. anybody wanna go shopping? hahaaa
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
[Babies: Whatever!] + [Emo over POT] + [IDP]
goodness, you have to check this out. courtesy of my cousin. super funny and cute. "...whatever!" :)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
goodness, i'm sick again. actually, i'm already sick, just that when i was about to recover, i got sick again. got the India Flu/Cough when i got back, passed it to wj, and then now he's passed it back to me haha. poor boy, he's been hacking away for weeks. even lost his voice. :/
anyway, rehearsals seem to be improving. yaaay. nick is really amazing. esp when he puts his mind to it. usually he's already good, but when he's serious, whoa. he can pull me in with him. respect!
for the last play, i was more pro-active, and i tried asking people if they wanted to go (close friends only). this time round i haven't asked any. i wonder if it's the right thing to do. for my good friends all know i'm acting in a play (everytime we catch up, that's the latest development in my life, and when i fail to meet them, it's because of rehearsals). sometimes i think, if they want to go, they will naturally tell me when i tell them i'm busy preparing for a play. yet the problem comes when they DON'T show any signs of wanting to come. then i start thinking too much, wondering about their lack of support and thus feeling sad.
yet again, perhaps it goes both ways. they could be busy, or they think i don't want them to go, or maybe they are ambivalent and need a little push from me before they say yes. the point is i didn't ask. so why should i expect a reply?
aiyaaaar, guess it's cuz i don't want to pressure them, and more importantly though i hate to admit, i don't ask for the fear of rejection and disappointment (oh don't remind me please). and since i've chosen to shut my mouth up, i shouldn't expect anything (other than silence in return). live with your decision hui lin! and stop grumbling or being upset!
for the record, i do want my friends to come, but of course it adds on pressure on me la. hahahahhaa.
ok. i shall stop stop my emo-ing, even if i do decide to ask around and people don't wanna come. oh! i haven't asked someone important for the last round. shall ask her this time :).
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
regarding my previous post about idp, i had a scare and almost died when the bank draft was thought to be lost. turns out that the mail was late and monash did receive my bank draft in the end, thank goodness. PHEW.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
goodness, i'm sick again. actually, i'm already sick, just that when i was about to recover, i got sick again. got the India Flu/Cough when i got back, passed it to wj, and then now he's passed it back to me haha. poor boy, he's been hacking away for weeks. even lost his voice. :/
anyway, rehearsals seem to be improving. yaaay. nick is really amazing. esp when he puts his mind to it. usually he's already good, but when he's serious, whoa. he can pull me in with him. respect!
for the last play, i was more pro-active, and i tried asking people if they wanted to go (close friends only). this time round i haven't asked any. i wonder if it's the right thing to do. for my good friends all know i'm acting in a play (everytime we catch up, that's the latest development in my life, and when i fail to meet them, it's because of rehearsals). sometimes i think, if they want to go, they will naturally tell me when i tell them i'm busy preparing for a play. yet the problem comes when they DON'T show any signs of wanting to come. then i start thinking too much, wondering about their lack of support and thus feeling sad.
yet again, perhaps it goes both ways. they could be busy, or they think i don't want them to go, or maybe they are ambivalent and need a little push from me before they say yes. the point is i didn't ask. so why should i expect a reply?
aiyaaaar, guess it's cuz i don't want to pressure them, and more importantly though i hate to admit, i don't ask for the fear of rejection and disappointment (oh don't remind me please). and since i've chosen to shut my mouth up, i shouldn't expect anything (other than silence in return). live with your decision hui lin! and stop grumbling or being upset!
for the record, i do want my friends to come, but of course it adds on pressure on me la. hahahahhaa.
ok. i shall stop stop my emo-ing, even if i do decide to ask around and people don't wanna come. oh! i haven't asked someone important for the last round. shall ask her this time :).
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
regarding my previous post about idp, i had a scare and almost died when the bank draft was thought to be lost. turns out that the mail was late and monash did receive my bank draft in the end, thank goodness. PHEW.
Friday, January 04, 2008
idp
i emailed monash hall admissions to ask them to accommodate me earlier from 11 feb(by default it would be 16 feb). and so they replied...
Dear Hui Lin Teoh,
Thank you for your e-mail. This e-mail is to confirm that we will be able to accommodate you from the 11/02/2008. Please arrive between office hours (9:00am - 9:00pm). You are still yet to pay your Building and Amenities Fee. Please remember to pay this by the 20th January 2008.
Kind regards,
Admissions Officer
Monash Residential Services
like WTH (@ the words i coloured red)?!!! because i already paid through IDP before i left for india.. think i paid them in the first week of december. so bloody inefficient laaar, haven't send my bank draft to monash.
as i read it yesterday night, past office hours, i had no choice but to wait till today to call and check with IDP. and as fate has it, IDP is closed on every first saturday of the month (which is today why oh why), and every sunday. great, just great.
they probably are waiting for every tom, dick and harry to hand in their bank drafts before they mail them over to monash. or so i hope. i'd rather it be this way than for them to have lost my stuff. gaawwd.
please let me have a roof over my head when i get there.
Dear Hui Lin Teoh,
Thank you for your e-mail. This e-mail is to confirm that we will be able to accommodate you from the 11/02/2008. Please arrive between office hours (9:00am - 9:00pm). You are still yet to pay your Building and Amenities Fee. Please remember to pay this by the 20th January 2008.
Kind regards,
Admissions Officer
Monash Residential Services
like WTH (@ the words i coloured red)?!!! because i already paid through IDP before i left for india.. think i paid them in the first week of december. so bloody inefficient laaar, haven't send my bank draft to monash.
as i read it yesterday night, past office hours, i had no choice but to wait till today to call and check with IDP. and as fate has it, IDP is closed on every first saturday of the month (which is today why oh why), and every sunday. great, just great.
they probably are waiting for every tom, dick and harry to hand in their bank drafts before they mail them over to monash. or so i hope. i'd rather it be this way than for them to have lost my stuff. gaawwd.
please let me have a roof over my head when i get there.
publicity
gawd, i'm leaving soon. i'm starting to freak out a little after i realised ytd how poorly prepared i am.
maybe a little bit too happy-go-lucky eh? or perhaps just a usual case of escapism. hehhh.
anyway, happy happy things, i went to his house today. so, it's a happy happy day. :)
anyway, i'm acting in the Passage of Time (POT) again.
wah, damn pretty photo of me. so anyway, might as well do some publicising here. the 24th and 27th are booked if i'm not wrong. so the rest are available. check this out for more info: http://www.buddhistfellowship.org/bf_new/pages/latest_events/announcements_POT_jan08.html
acting is a real challenge. and goodness, film is SO DIFFERENT from stage. i mean, i've already known about the differences in theory, but actually experiencing it is... truly an experience. hahaha. tongue-tied, tongue-tied.
ok i was multi-tasking and was kpo-ing at facebook. so i forgot what i originally intended to blog about. HAHA. whatever lar. goodnight all :)!
maybe a little bit too happy-go-lucky eh? or perhaps just a usual case of escapism. hehhh.
anyway, happy happy things, i went to his house today. so, it's a happy happy day. :)
anyway, i'm acting in the Passage of Time (POT) again.
wah, damn pretty photo of me. so anyway, might as well do some publicising here. the 24th and 27th are booked if i'm not wrong. so the rest are available. check this out for more info: http://www.buddhistfellowship.org/bf_new/pages/latest_events/announcements_POT_jan08.html
acting is a real challenge. and goodness, film is SO DIFFERENT from stage. i mean, i've already known about the differences in theory, but actually experiencing it is... truly an experience. hahaha. tongue-tied, tongue-tied.
ok i was multi-tasking and was kpo-ing at facebook. so i forgot what i originally intended to blog about. HAHA. whatever lar. goodnight all :)!
Friends (and Resolutions)
i feel that the distance between me and my friends is growing. for good friends, it depends, some of the links are still strong. for others, the bond has come to pass.
i have to admit it's of my own doing, for i start to distance myself from others because i feel that they are understanding me less and less. sometimes, it's tiring to explain to everyone about what has happened (or is happening) in my life, repeating and explaining at length again and again. also, it doesn't help when sometimes you feel that they aren't so concerned with you. their "hey how have you been doing!" or "what's up?" are just their way of being polite. in the end, i don't feel like talking about myself, i'd rather listen to them (which is what they really want and i happen not to mind, saves energy HAHA), and thus the communication is only one-way. and when they misunderstand me and my actions, all the more i feel sick of explaining.
of course, gems do appear occasionally, where they really want to listen and understand me. a real delight sharing our experiences together. how i miss those sincere and heartfelt conversations where we really want to know each other.
it's pretty sad, really. but i guess i've gotten used to it, and i'm still in the process of accepting it. after all, friends come and go, nothing is permanent. interestingly, i'm not feeling the need and urgency to catch up with all my friends, and to hold on to them. in fact, i'm trying to slowly disengage myself as i prepare to leave. who knows if this is for the better or worse. haha.
perhaps my attitude is out of fear. fear of rejection, and of loss.
may i grow to be more independent, to be a person who does not have to seek approval from others in order to feel good and accepted. may i be a person who cherishes The Moment, instead of being like those who miss and wish to go back in time, or those who hang on and hate the past. may i always remember the Nature, and work towards a happier existance, and in turn allow the people around me be happy.
wow, is that my new year's resolution? haha! ok. that's probably it, even though i wasn't thinking of making resolutions consciously. well done. haha. (ok shall add that in the title then :p)
anyway, the bf will probably say that i'm thinking too much, hahaha! which is true. thinking about oneself is the cause of suffering!
i remember thinking to myself that my friendship with A is becoming more and more awkward and that's it, we're drifting and there's no return. and my friendship with B is going to stay strong for years, even though we might not keep in contact all the time. guess what? the situation is the exact opposite now! lol! proves how impermanent things can be and we shouldn't judge people and things. i should just be happy if things are going well, and equanimous if things aren't. of course, put in effort as well lar.
i have to admit it's of my own doing, for i start to distance myself from others because i feel that they are understanding me less and less. sometimes, it's tiring to explain to everyone about what has happened (or is happening) in my life, repeating and explaining at length again and again. also, it doesn't help when sometimes you feel that they aren't so concerned with you. their "hey how have you been doing!" or "what's up?" are just their way of being polite. in the end, i don't feel like talking about myself, i'd rather listen to them (which is what they really want and i happen not to mind, saves energy HAHA), and thus the communication is only one-way. and when they misunderstand me and my actions, all the more i feel sick of explaining.
of course, gems do appear occasionally, where they really want to listen and understand me. a real delight sharing our experiences together. how i miss those sincere and heartfelt conversations where we really want to know each other.
it's pretty sad, really. but i guess i've gotten used to it, and i'm still in the process of accepting it. after all, friends come and go, nothing is permanent. interestingly, i'm not feeling the need and urgency to catch up with all my friends, and to hold on to them. in fact, i'm trying to slowly disengage myself as i prepare to leave. who knows if this is for the better or worse. haha.
perhaps my attitude is out of fear. fear of rejection, and of loss.
may i grow to be more independent, to be a person who does not have to seek approval from others in order to feel good and accepted. may i be a person who cherishes The Moment, instead of being like those who miss and wish to go back in time, or those who hang on and hate the past. may i always remember the Nature, and work towards a happier existance, and in turn allow the people around me be happy.
wow, is that my new year's resolution? haha! ok. that's probably it, even though i wasn't thinking of making resolutions consciously. well done. haha. (ok shall add that in the title then :p)
anyway, the bf will probably say that i'm thinking too much, hahaha! which is true. thinking about oneself is the cause of suffering!
i remember thinking to myself that my friendship with A is becoming more and more awkward and that's it, we're drifting and there's no return. and my friendship with B is going to stay strong for years, even though we might not keep in contact all the time. guess what? the situation is the exact opposite now! lol! proves how impermanent things can be and we shouldn't judge people and things. i should just be happy if things are going well, and equanimous if things aren't. of course, put in effort as well lar.
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