simply be.

growing up

2011-09-03T21:48:00.001-07:00

so my mom says. part of growing up. or rather, i MUST grow up.

sigh. hate this. i suspect 3/4 of my energy is spent in such useless ways, thus decreasing my ability to concentrate and absorb info.

maybe i should go on the search for other pastures? the unfortunate need to be understood and accepted. guess the problem lies within myself being unaccepting.

why why why why.

just not in my face, can?

the feeling of having no one to turn to. lonely, no?

and so my heart closes

2011-08-19T05:00:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wonder... what's the point of having friends? or more of, what's the point of having these particular types of friends? do they care anyway?

i guess the most important is still family and loved ones. only they bother to listen and really care.

it's so hard to be nice when i feel sidelined.

patience? training? f*ck it.

ok... despite the curses, i guess taking it as training is the only way i can get through it.

with such things happening again and again, i can feel it. my heart is closing up again. layer by layer.

i'm sad. and despite it all, i want people to know, and to care. despite myself trying so hard to act nonchalent, to act as if i'm happy and it doesn't matter. try and try and try. and it still hurts. hurts. hurts.

hurts.

2010-11-14T06:08:00.000-08:00

stressed stressed stressed fear fear fear arghhhhhhhhhhhhh

what i like in men

2010-10-18T02:35:00.000-07:00

random factoid of the day:

i realise what are my weak spots in men.

1) i love veins. woohoo. those lovely protruding veins in the arms... in the groin crease... gaah. i half suspect that it's got to do with me doing iv cannulation. ppl without easy to find veins? eee unattractive HAHA.

2) the forearm muscles. ooo. especially when the guy wears a long sleeve shirt and rolls it up to his elbow, exposing just enough of his forearm. *slurps*

well so far these are my favourites. anything else is a bonus. LOL.

wow, i sound like a pervert.

XKCD: Friends

2010-08-18T00:40:00.000-07:00

maaan. this is hilarious. i wonder if this is how i function as well! LOL.

check http://xkcd.com/ for more comics

accommodation

2010-08-16T02:34:00.000-07:00

ohh the situation's so messy

i can't wait for september for only ONE reason. so that i can settle my accommodation for next year.

how i wish everyone can decide and the results of our placement would be out soo! but oh wells, can't be helped.

it makes me feel like simply applying for malaysia so that my accomms would be settled. BUT even then, my place in malaysia won't be guaranteed.

urgh. pissing off.

2010-06-18T00:58:00.001-07:00

sometimes you think you are doing something good, to make certain people happy. but a lot of times, you unknowingly hurt others around you in its process.

i guess it takes a certain amount of tact. perhaps those who are hurt have their own issues to settle as well. anyway, carry on and do what you think is right, but wait for the right time and place. or perhaps privacy.

on separate note, i'm truly frightened. oh well.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

whoever's reading this, please don't read too much into this. this is 99.9% not about you. and it's based on separate, unrelated events.

yet again, i doubt anyone reads my blog anymore! which is good! then i won't hurt ppl unknowingly hahaha.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

met up with good friends ytd, and will be meeting a lot more in the next 2 weeks. really glad to be meeting up with people that i would never have done so in the past. too much fear then. the fear and insecurity is still there, but it's less. and heck it! let's have fun :).

2010-05-20T00:54:00.000-07:00

man, it's gonna be a race to the 12th. so many things to do and to complete, and before you know it, it's time to fly. kinda liking this :).

2010-04-09T20:49:00.000-07:00

tame the ego, and be less defensive.

2010-03-16T04:46:00.000-07:00

ahhh. stupid ppl just got to make it up by putting in more effort. time to buck up, and may my hardwork pay off!

like porcelain

2010-03-09T04:05:00.000-08:00

so fragile.

pouts

2009-11-30T01:27:00.001-08:00

i'm UNHAPPY :(.

raaawwwwrrrrrr!!!

my latest goal

2009-11-29T09:20:00.000-08:00

learn to be emotionally independent!!!

Say No to Rape

2009-09-25T03:39:00.000-07:00

Haven't been up to date with Singapore news lately. Just heard about the furore on the marital rape immunity law in Singapore. I was truly appalled, I would have never expected Singapore to have such a legislation. Check this out.

http://theonlinecitizen.com/2009/09/in-spore-raping-your-wife-is-not-rape/

The 3 videos in there by GetReal, Channel News Asia, are really good. Do watch them if you have time.

Lastly, do go to the link below and sign the petition to repeal the Penal Code. They need 10000 signatures by 30 November, and they have only gathered around 2600 signatures so far. Spread the word!

Rape is rape. There are no exceptions.

to be judge, and to be judged

2009-05-15T07:03:00.000-07:00

"afterall, sexuality is only a very small part of a person."

..and so are other small things that come together to be part of us. so how can we judge someone to be good or bad just based on a single quality?

for example, you may hate a person for doing something that you deem to be wrong. however, that's just one thing that this person has done in his life, as opposed to the many other good things that he may have done.

who are we to judge anyway? they might have reasons for their actions; and these reasons are borne out of other previous encounters. and these are in turn borne out of other situations again. also, are we going to count the number of good versus bad things this person has done, in order to determine his calibre? what if the "good deed" he has done is more "important" than the "bad deed"? what if he has good intentions for doing the "bad deed"? there are so many things to consider, that i think it is impossible for us to come to an unbiased decision about a person's character. passing out judgements is tiring and painful to both the judge and the judged.

may i keep this in mind whenever i start being critical of others, and also equally importantly, myself.

what i've been experiencing for the past few weeks and this video inspired this entry. thank you for the video dear!

2009-04-29T05:34:00.000-07:00

good lessons may not be pleasant to the ears. it was unpleasant indeed, but essential.

learn and grow, learn and grow.

in a foreign land

2009-04-28T04:40:00.000-07:00

went for my community based placement today.

realised loads of stuff. a great day for self-reflection.

being an asian (especially when you were born in asia) in a western country does have its problems. i feel that you take a longer time to get acknowledged. not so bad in uni, maybe because the tutors are used to and HAVE to try to reduce their biasedness; but not so elsewhere. sometimes it's because they take a longer time to warm up to you. sometimes maybe it's because you are less chatty than your western counterpart; you may be considered very good in your home country, but you will not be good enough here.

and it doesn't help when you have a more-than-excellent partner. where the amount of work you have done is normally thought to be of normal to above average standard, it's totally negated because your colleague's work is way beyond excellent. that's fine, and i totally respect my partner for her effort. the problem is, i get judged by others for being less than imperfect.

...sigh.

beri beri stress

2009-04-25T00:52:00.000-07:00

my exam ended on wednesday. went out for a simple dinner on that day to celebrate.

and then, immediately, back to stress. didn't have enough sleep, no time to really relax, and have been trying to (and finally did) rush through my assignment.

can seriously feel my heart faltering as i was working through the night. sometimes i really wonder if my heart will suddenly just stop functioning. a very scary feeling.

and this is only the first half of sem 1! my goodness. death unto me.

on another note, check this out!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ydZHy_KRXE

super hilarious!!

fly

2009-04-04T21:37:00.000-07:00

a random post.

things i need: a new slingbag! the zipper on my yellow slingbag given to me by my cousin is spoiled :(.

things i want: to go to japan for exchange. i really, really want to go to japan. even if not for exchange, then for a backpacking trip with friends! but japan's an expensive place to go to :(. and i really should start learning japanese. should i go and buy or borrow a book/audiotape? hmms.

suddenly i really feel like going travelling. backpacking baby! :)

to xinhui: yar lor! hahaha. ok la let's be nice, he's not too bad la. he's pretty gd actually. he can be romantic if he wants to! ;p heee

and that's how the story goes

2009-03-30T04:49:00.000-07:00

I Did Not Die

Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there; I did not die.

~Mary E. Frye

marry me?

2009-03-19T00:02:00.000-07:00

ever heard of a marriage proposal by writing the words "marry me" across the sky, with the help of an aircraft? or like having a helicoptor fly with a banner tied to its tail with something sweet written on it?

yea, it's really common, especially on idol dramas and in manga etc. it's every girl's fantasy! or at least most of ours.

and you thought that it only exists in dreamy-hopeful-land?

guess what... no! today, while walking home with c, i saw in the sky "marry me?" in the sky. like OMG.

really want to tell wj abt it, like how romantic ppl can get (hahaha), but just in case he, or whoever else i tell, expresses disbelief, i'm all prepared to shoot them down! cuz i have proof!

check out the photos! it was hard trying to take them, cuz of the sun, the trees, the buildings.

...really sweet :).

byebye singapore

2009-02-25T00:42:00.000-08:00

i'm leaving my house in 1 and a half hours.

and guess what am i doing? i'm cleaning up the desktops in my house (grabbing whatever that shld be with me in australia; ie. Manga), and am frantically downloading whatever manga that i missed out. i'm also furiously ripping music off cds which i have at home.

there's one thing that i should have done, but haven't done in my hols in singapore. ok fine, a few things.

1) buy an extra mechanical pencil.
2) study.

aiyar, i can do both of them in australia right? no hurry. thus no worries.

will be handicapped for the next week without internet. sobs. how, oh how.

anyway, goodbye singapore. will miss you.(?)

:)

blah blah

2009-02-19T07:22:00.000-08:00

this is going to be a useless entry again. you have been warned.

decided to youtube the song mentioned in the manga Kiss. the song is "Je te veux" by Satie. very nice :). it's been a while since i've appreciated an instrumental piece by a westerner. yet again, maybe it's simply because i haven't been listening to enough variety.

Gymnopedie No. 1 by satie is good too!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

sometimes i wonder what do i fear so much. is it due to repulsion, ego, or... aiis it's just me thinking too much again. learn to live and let live. and do what i have to do. yeppers.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

watched He's Just Not That Into You (HJNTIU). it's an ok show, not bad la. love the jennifer anniston and ben affleck pairing. their story is sooo sweet. hate the adulterous couple pairing (jennifer connelly, scarlet johansson and some guy). even though it's 9 mins longer than slumdog millionaire (SM), SM feels much longer. perhaps it's due to the theme, very heavy. HJNTIU is a nice sweet romantic movie with some heavy parts here and there, but overall palatable. SM is more unnique though.

just enjoy the show

2009-02-16T22:15:00.000-08:00

it's been a pretty good day so far!

even though i woke up feeling sick (actually i've been feeling sick ever since i sent the bf off at the airport), the day's been really good.

first, i received the email that i am granted the fee payment extension. and i managed to transfer half the money over. then i received the earrings that i bought online in the mail today. later, i had a nice little chat with j.

and the best part of the day was, the bf called! oh, the sound of his voice was like music to my ears! ok that's really cheesy. HAHAHA. anyway, to hear his voice and know that he's safe and sound; it totally made my day :).

i love this song "The Show" by Lenka! it has a very cute tune and mtv. the music makes me feel happy.

"I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I dont know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show"

ok to be fair, the bf calling wasn't like the best part of the day. instead, it's more appropriately labeled as the very important point of the day. that's because after his call, everything and anything became good and enjoyable! his call changed my perspective. even my flu and sore throat ain't making me feel as miserable as i had been feeling before. therefore, his call is even better than "the best part of the day".

:)

see you again in a few months. :)

2009-02-16T05:27:00.000-08:00

the bf's on the plane:).

spent the day at his place today. almost cried twice then (ok i teared la hahaha). almost cried on the way to the airport too. but i managed to tahan at the airport! good on ya! *pats her own back*

chatted with his parents and met his uncle and auntie. and i really enjoyed it. one thing that i like about it is that i feel really at ease with his family. i don't have to purposely talk a lot, i don't have to put in effort to impress them or anything. it's a really comfortable atmosphere where i can be sincere and be myself. no pressure at all. and they are all really funny, cute, and down to earth. so real and humbling.

learnt a lot from his father. his father is really cute and funny! think he had a great influence on wj. they have very refreshing and wise perspectives on things. was a very enriching conversation. there were two "lessons" that i really liked:

1) 世上没有爱情, 只有感情. (and some nice cheem thing in chinese about starting a relationship by falling in love, and ending the relationship due to wrong views)
2) 世上没有好人和坏人, 只有好事和坏事. [There's no such thing as good people and bad people; there's only good deeds and bad deeds.]

liked the second one the most. hope i won't forget that.

on the way back home, while i was still his parents and relatives, i met my big uncle (da jiu jiu) on the mrt! like OMG. fate la. hahaha. luckily i had to tahan the slightly weird atmosphere for only 1 stop. was actually feeling worried that da jiu jiu will talk to wj's family after i get off, and that he will find out tt i'm attached, and he will report to my mom, and i will die, and and and... hahaha. then i decided that i was worrying too much for nothing. and if that really happened, then it's fate! everything will be in the open then and i won't have to avoid talking about him all the time. it will be shiok la! thus, either way? win-win :).

i realised that our relationship has really matured, as compared to how it was 1 year ago. may we continue on our journey together with faith, dilligence, and right effort. thank the buddha, dhamma, sangha!

feeling contented. yet i can feel the temptation to think about the lack of his presence, which will cause the hollow feeling in my heart to arise, making me feel like crying again.

ahh! i'm thinking too much!!

despite fearing separation and death, i do appreciate it. it is always a good way to remind ourselves to be in the present moment and LIVE. enjoy, appreciate, be.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

dammit, haven't paid my sch fees due to a screw up with the bank. and my application for a fee extension was rejected! urgh. just emailed the course administrator, and pray that i'll be given a few days grace. damn stressed.

where we come together. and we part once again.

2009-02-15T07:38:00.000-08:00

went to my aunt's house today to pray as it's my grandma's death anniversary. rushed over as i was late. have to say that i didn't regret going at all. it was a nice warm feeling to see everyone again, given that we usually only see each other twice a year (christmas and chinese new year. also qing ming jie, but i won't be around for that any time soon i think). had a nice chat with my cousin! i really love my cousins and aunts and uncles. one thing that i sort of regret about is that we just don't meet up often enough. oh wells. you can't have everything in the world!

and indeed, you can't have everything in the world. like the bf is leaving tmr.

:(

yet, would i rather have a lousy relationship and be with him 24/7, or have a happy and loving relationship but not see him often enough?

the latter for me, then.

hahaha. sometimes i think i'm really sick. humans are sick. we like to torture ourselves. like how i'd just keep thinking of him and get lovesick. what sick nature.

lalalaaaa :)

Valentine's Day 2009

2009-02-14T08:40:00.000-08:00

had a wonderful valentine's day. though it started off well, it became rocky in the middle, had issues resolved, and it ended off wonderfully. went to bf for valentine's celebrations at night, met up with old friends then, and had great heart to heart moments with my loved one. full of gratitude for my friends, for him, and for the many lessons i've learnt today.

My valentine's day in summary:

Teh Ping (Iced Tea) - $1.50
Roses - $0 (free from buddhist fellowship)
Taxi fare - $15
Slumdog Millionaire - $21 (subsidised)
Simply being with my friends and loved one - Priceless.

:)

a pretty useless entry on MVs that i've seen recently

2009-02-09T08:57:00.000-08:00

christine recommended me to watch Truth by Arashi. went to check it out, and the music was good. liked the violins, it added a touch of class to the entire thing. but other than that... their dancing was so-so. think it's because they can't really dance, and their physiques are just too scrawny for my liking.

because of that MV(music video), i was inspired to watch Mirotic by DBSK again! in contrast, the Mirotic MV made me all flushed hahaha. DBSK had really nice dance moves AND the members can dance really well. In addition, they have very good bodies. their choice of clothes for the MV was very good. showed off just enough skin (HAHAHAHA). main problem is their hair. 3 out of 5 of them had sucky hair. anyway if you are bored and you wanna look at hot guys, check out that MV on youtube.

was reading this manga called Kiss. it's a love story between this piano teacher and his student, aged 25 and 17 respectively if i'm not wrong. love it as it's quite real and sweet. character development is good so far. the mangaka explores the emotions experienced by the characters well. the art and style of story telling is nice and yet simple. fuss free. i guess the most unrealistic thing about the manga is that the lead male character is really good looking and talented. the more important characters are also very attractive too. so far, it's one of my favourite series.

ok this is quite a useless entry. just needed to unload my rubbish somewhere hehe. night all :).

Ponyo!

2009-02-05T02:25:00.000-08:00

just watched Ponyo on the Cliff by the Sea! and i looovvveee it :)!! it's SO CUTE.

amazing how it's up on the internet already. and it's of relatively good quality, despite having a woman's trip to the toilet captured on the film twice (yes it's an illegal filming in the cinema, so you get to see the woman's silhouette moving up and down)

i really like the show. it's a vibrant and honest and cute! the main thing is cute, in a very refreshing way. yayness! can't wait for it to be out on dvd, will definitely buy it:).

ok looks like i'm too lazy to continue the previous entry. HAHAHA. till another time then, when i have the mood :p.

*hums the ponyo song to herself ladidum*

on infatuation

2009-01-30T08:26:00.000-08:00

went out to "study" today with wj. was pretty tired but i survived hahaha. then met up with coconut and went to Udders! good ice cream. and they came up with a business plan that's of course, secret. hilarious:).

ok i wanna blog about infatuation, but i'm too tired. so i'll edit this another day. ciaos! :)

happy again! :)

2009-01-23T09:05:00.000-08:00

soong teng: heey woman! haven't seen you in AGES. where are you??! hahaha. oh why am i happy that there's shit ah. cuz i already know how it feels like when there's no shit. but i wanna know how it feels like when there's shit! so that you know what you are feeling. and i also need to know how different types of shit feel.. like is it soft... hard... big... small... normal... abnormal... HAHAHA. ok think that's enough for the description. :D

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

happy happy! talked to him for around an hour, once again my angst has dissipated. yaaaayyy! huilin = angsty-no-more-(for-now)!

ahaha reminds me of nt and her angst :p. am i so easily influenced? oh no...

wanna see him. *pouts* :(

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

my foot's finally starting to hurt! the anaesthesia has worn off. pain is good.. pain is good....

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

oh, and i have some other stuff to add on to the list of "achievements" that i've had as a medical student during this holiday... (continued from previous entry)

7) felt a fluid thrill from ascites. really thrilling.
8) heard 3 (or 4?) heart murmurs! think all were systolic heart murmurs if i'm not mistaken.
9) heard a few lung crackles! and one of the patient had a fully collapsed left lung, and an abnormal right lung. terrible.
10) felt an irregular pulse. it was just... irregular.
11) learning how to do percussion. far from mastering it, but at least i've been introduced to it.

will add on if i remember any more things :)!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

happyhappyhappy :)

goodbye wart.

2009-01-22T20:24:00.000-08:00

xun: omg!! that photo's like so crabby la! literally :). thanks, it really made me laugh. yea sure, catch up with u some day :). ehh u wont be in sg for CNY?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

just had my surgery today. dad excised a lump (viral wart) from the sole of my foot. think it was around 3-4cm in diameter. quite an interesting experience being the patient in ttsh after running around in the same OT for the past week as a medical student. will have trouble walking... no heels for CNY :(. sadness.

quite satisfied with what i've done as a medical student for this holiday:
1) sutured a 3 cm incision
2) assisted in a minor surgery
3) did 3 rectal examinations (one of which had shit in it, yay!)
4) took BP by the traditional method once successfully on a patient (HAHA. shows how lousy i am)
5) learnt stuff (both medical and more importantly, humanitarian)
6) saw dying patients, and felt loving kindness and tried to send it to them. :)

met wernie ytd. really refreshing to see her again after so long! even though she was kinda encouraging me to go into plastics and aesthetics (and to be honest, the amount of money earned is tempting), but currently i doubt i'd go into that field. yet again who knows. let's try not to moralise things.

thanks to wj and ajahn brahm, i don't feel the need to gossip so much (right now at least). but it's hard. environment, needs and wants dictate.

no reply thus far, again :(.

better prepare something rabbity for tonight!

[edit] ok so there's a mild improvement, but is that even considered an improvement, or simply mandatory? ok how woman of me (alright, more like petty). *grumble grumble whine whine* [/edit]

crabby

2009-01-10T06:50:00.000-08:00

hey xun:)! ehh since when did you leave? just realised that u arent in singapore when i saw your facebook profile! how have you been? goodness i feel so out of touch hahaha.

hey jq:)! ahhahaha i'm doing ok at school, results wise. but all stored in short term memory. so hmm yea i need to review my study methods, that's why i need revision mah. saad.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

anyway. officially feeling crabby.

according to dictionary.com...

crab-by
–adjective, -bi⋅er, -bi⋅est.
Informal. grouchy; ill-natured; irritable; peevish.

gaaarrhh. nothing really big (as usual) that made me like this. it just happened that i got my period today, and i sincerely think my mood swing is partly hormonal. kept on telling myself: "be mindful, breathe, breathe, breathe."

whenever i finally stop being annoyed, something else will happen and the grouchy monster comes rearing its ugly head again.

gaaarrhh.

be mindful, breathe, breathe, breathe.

hellow fellows

2009-01-02T07:37:00.000-08:00

hey blog! it's been a while. how are you?

how am i? i've been good, thanks!

wanted to read anatomy, but couldn't bear to open up the book. and i ended up blogging. SIGH.

after i got back from australia, i went to malaysia for my cousin's wedding and then to china. first to hainan for a mission trip, and then continued on to backpack with 4 other classmates to zhaoqing, dong guan, fo shan, guang zhou, zhu hai, macau!

too many lessons learnt. and the biggest lesson of all: be mindful, and to keep my mouth shut if i have nothing beneficial to say.

went for 2009 countdown at BF. interesting experience, and i enjoyed it. lots of moments to test myself.

dad's first day at TTSH today. so far, so good.

and oh, dear blog, did you know that my mom was a nurse? well, I didn't know! after living for 20 years then did i learn that she was a nurse for a few years before she got married. how strange, how strange. and my parents still don't want to tell me much about it. *gives off a low growl*

wishlist:
1) iPod (need to find time to go buy)
2) GPS (oh, my life, my everything)
3) happiness for you and me :)

my life in summary?
...good enough :).

the pen is mightier than the sword

2008-11-07T18:58:00.000-08:00

once again, i have come to the conclusion that words can hurt a lot. and to be careful about what you write on your blog. no matter what, it's the WWW. anybody can see it. especially if you've told others about your blog before, and you actually type out people's names.

de-identify, if you just HAVE to write about it.

it's bugging me.

Everything - Michael Buble

2008-10-28T03:16:00.000-07:00

"Everything"

You're a falling star, you're the get away car.
You're the line in the sand when I go too far.
You're the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you're the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy but it's kinda cute.
Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don't pretend that you don't know it's true.
'cause you can see it when I look at you.

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You're a mystery, you're from outer space,
You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,
And you know that's what our love can do.

[Chorus]

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

[Chorus:]
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It's you, it's you, you make me sing.
You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.
You're every song, and I sing along.
'Cause you're my everything.
Yeah, yeah

So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la
So, la, la, la, la, la, la, la

oo i love this song! especially the tune. loved it when zhilin played it on the guitar :).

quick ramblings

2008-10-05T00:20:00.000-07:00

GAH i'm so fat! really need to exercise!!!

singapore day was pretty fun. met peter monksfield! that totally made my day :).

P M S

2008-09-30T05:32:00.001-07:00

when you thought The Grudge was bad enough... now you have The Grouch.

..approach at your own risk!

Flowers and "I"

2008-09-29T04:26:00.001-07:00

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

was thinking about ego and some of my friends. and how she always goes "i don't understand why (for eg) you dont like to eat this" etc. then i realised that why we often do not understand others is often because we're too full of ourselves. we tend to look at matters from where WE are standing from. the big letter "I". where "I" would behave in a particular way in a particular situation, and "I" cannot understand why people do not behave in the same way as "I" would. for isn't it natural, to behave as "I" am?

if we could really disregard ourselves, and put ourselves fully into the person's shoes, surely we can understand them, no matter how perverse or warped their thoughts are.

sometimes, we do accept other people's opinion, and weave them with our own, creating a new hybrid opinion that is now Mine. but as long as there's ego, where "I" exists, there can never be an opinion more important and correct than "Mine".

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

flowers.

i never knew that i was that much of a flower person, till i came to melbourne. in spring (which happens to be now), wow, it's so beautiful! all of the flowers are blooming, you can never imagine that that was the same place just a month ago.

i realised that i really love small flowers. i don't really have a liking for large ones as i find them rather... vulgar. it's so big that it's ugly. from far, it catches your eyes first and may look really beautiful with its bold stunning colours; but when you come near, there's nothing more to it. you get to see its insides, the style, anthers, stigma, pollen... nothing pretty. just huge and vulgar.

small flowers are different. they look really sweet but they might not attract as much attention from far. but if you bother to come close and really observe it, it's really pretty and delicate. the internal structures are small too. and they tend to bloom in a bunch, really pretty! *smiles happily*

of course, there are some large flowers that can be beautiful too. for eg: spider lily. really elegant. if they are huge, they better be elegant. if not.. ah not my taste.

my dream house would be a cottage! with orangey-red bricks. and have a beautiful garden with manicured bushes and lawns, and with pretty pretty flowers! and there will be a tea table in the middle, where we can have afternoon tea. lovely :D! but yea, that's only possible if my house is in aussie though. and i hate their summer and winter. so too bad. hahaha.

talking about the weather, it's currently spring. and the flies are reviving :(.

2008-09-27T05:39:00.001-07:00

bad mood.

food for thought

2008-09-26T07:53:00.000-07:00

"A dream that will come true is not a real dream."

An interesting perspective yea? and it makes perfect sense!

the best part is, guess where it came from?

...Fullmetal Alchemist. loL!

speech check

2008-09-24T05:53:00.000-07:00

ok thanks to veron's entry, i was reminded about my own resolution to myself to reduce the amount of profanities i've been using.

i shall avoid using:
what the sai (replace with: what the crap)
wah lao/piang (replace with: ??)
shit (replace with: sheesh/shucks/crap)
damn (replace with: darn. ok this one is really hard to stop saying)
bloody (replace with: bleaghh)
oh my god (replace with: oh my goodness/oh my mama/oh my)

ok, jia you!

Kurosagi

2008-09-24T02:40:00.000-07:00

just watched the drama Kurosagi.

it's pretty good, gave it a 7/10 - 7.5/10. it'd have been better if the female lead character and the supporting female character wasn't in the story at all, they totally piss me off. can you imagine, i'd rather the show have zero romance in it. that's how bad they irritate me. lol.

yamapi was pretty good in the show. i didn't take to him immediately though (unlike chuns and chris hahaha). i think i started to like him more only in the 4th episode? that's quite pathetic actually haha.

i can't stand the police officer too. actually, the "good guys" in the show are all irritating. the "bad guys" (the swindlers) generally grow on you.

ok, the end. hehheh

Med Ball 2008 - 20/09/08

2008-09-22T00:48:00.000-07:00

alright, med ball's over! end of the days of restricting my diet! (yeah right)

mini bimbo talk: heng my make up this time round ok. realised that foundation and concealor are VERY impt. esp foundation.

felt that some ugly sides of me surfaced. didn't like those aspects of me. shall work on them.

after looking at how people get wasted and drunk and high, i'm even more turned off alcohol. think it's rather ugly, even when you see people who are just high. the things they can do.. given that i can get high without alcohol given the right conditions (and surely many others can as well), i shudder to think of my behaviour with alcohol, when you get less and less inhibited. i'd rather keep that side of me hidden and buried, preferably non-existant.

it was actually a pretty scary experience for me to see people get drunk and stuff. yes, as you can imagine, i'm very guai. hahaha. never see before. and i didn't drink a single drop of alcohol that day (much to the deprecating looks of at least 3 other people). {ok i'm pretty sure i phrased that sentence in the brackets wrongly, can somebody correct me? thanks hahaha.} seriously, what's so cool about drinking? if a person doesn't want to drink, leave her be. especially when ****** kept on asking me to drink, and gave me the oh-you-pussy-you-just-don't-dare-to-drink look (parden my crudeness), and i had to repeatedly reject him and explain myself. till i gave up cuz he wasn't worth my effort anyway. luckily C came to my rescue and told him that it's not that i don't dare to drink, it's just that i chose not to drink (and that's what i kept telling him anyway). and he looked really surprised when i mentioned that the last time i went to a jazz bar i drank a cocktail (before i chose to abstain from alcohol). i guess people just don't understand why some others choose to abstain from it? maybe it's because it seems to represent normalcy, socialbility, or simply "being in and cool". this might be a generalization, but i think people who are really empty in their hearts and don't have anything solid to fall back on and choose to drink to "add meaning", "zest", "depth" and "fun" to their lives might be even more deluded about it. like ******. urgh.

and when they think i'm not up to the challenge because i don't drink alcohol, i beg to differ. isn't it more challenging to stay off alcohol? when everybody seems to think that drinking is cool and is a form of socialising, and desire to obtain that "high feeling" which misleads them to think that they are happy for that one hour? it's THEM who are not up to the challenge. they would rather take the short cut to what seems like happiness. in reality, that isn't true happiness. it's short lived, you do stupid things that you regret, and you get hangovers and feel like shit soon after. it's empty. but so what? it's fast and you can obtain it with money, just throw the notes and down the pot. that's why many people get stuck in the horrid cycle of drinking and get addicted to alcohol.

to any others who read my blog, if you drink, i hope you aren't offended. it's ok if you want to drink, but just don't think that you are more hip and cool than those who don't, and don't force them to drink. i don't care about what you do, just don't impose your will on me.

sheesh, hope i've ranted most my cheesed-offness. heh heh!

bye guys, bathing time!

to Veron: hmm love life ahh, hahaha. dunno. that's why need u to tell me if got any mah! plus ur blog lyrics always so "dodgy". hehehe ;). oo analytical chem! not that i know what it is. but what's wrong with studying human body parts in detail?? i can teach u if u want... *cheeky wink* ;)

hainan :)

2008-09-19T07:30:00.000-07:00

just talked to des about the trip. omg i'm getting so excited!!!

we plan to go backpacking. shall talk more about our plans after it's confirmed. AHHH *jumps around happily* :)

oh, and regarding my assignment.. well, i managed to survive it. barely. hehhh.

cheers ;)!

5:03am

2008-09-17T12:07:00.000-07:00

a bit more to go.. shall try to do my annotated biblio now... then tmr do editing and summary.

my eyes are starting to defocus. and i can hear loads of birds chirping! it's a sign of a new day alr. AHHHHHHHHHhhh

teoh hui lin... you are simply amazing.

[edited 5 mins later] ok buay sai. heart palpatations and seriously can't think. good night world hahaha. [/edit]

procastinator is my second name

2008-09-17T06:42:00.000-07:00

i'm so amazed by my ability to procastinate, if there's a job that requires procastination, i'd earn big money, big money!

a bit more to go with epi assignment, or maybe i'm underestimating it. remind me NEVER to procastinate to this extent again. this is one of the worst situations of procastination i've ever been in. urgh.

[EDIT] update! i left conclusion, biblio, and overall editing plus summarising. aw man, my brain and eyes are dead laaa. i can't believe myself. i'm amazing. *sigh*[/EDIT]

pon queen

2008-09-16T20:22:00.000-07:00

wah at the rate i'm ponning lessons, i can be a pon star lar. haha!

ok la, not that bad. so far i've ponned 1 lesson of epi, 2 lessons of selectives (i'm going to pon my second lesson today), 1 lesson of clinical skills, 1 lesson of socio. that's for the entire year so far la. that should be all.

hmm i didn't count how many lectures i've skipped though. didn't skip many la.. maybe 4 for the entire year? and those i've skipped were seriously useless.

feel so pai as compared to myself in sec sch and in jc. hehehehe.

ok, better use my extra time wisely and finish my damn assignment!!!

Quote of the day

2008-09-16T04:36:00.000-07:00

"A flower falls,
even though we love it;
and a weed grows,
even though we do not love it." ~Dogen

HERO

2008-09-11T08:34:00.000-07:00

[EDIT] ok i sort of take my words back on how wonderful kimutaku is. because clara brought up a very good point... don't you think not only does he not age, he is also looking younger and younger??!! which can be rather freaky. no surprise if he did stuff like botox i guess.. and if he did, that's a super turn off. but really, i was looking at his photos, then i realised those photos that he looked really young and good in, are actually taken THIS YEAR. omg. either he had botox, or they did some photoshop. i still like him, but erm, less :p. [/EDIT]

i just watched finish HERO (the old jap drama starring takuya kimura and matsu takako).

the drama's VERY good. the directing is excellent, and it's very funny. loads of funny moments, and i grew to love all of the characters in it. ok, ALMOST all :p.

oh, it's about public prosecutors by the way. and i dont think they glorified the profession of lawyers as much as other tv shows. they did portray their work as being dull and mundane (which i appreciated), although of course there are cool moments la, involving my wonderful kimura.

and i just HAVE to talk about kimura. he's.. SO HOT. WAAAHH. ok honestly, at first i found him ok only. but by the end of the show, whoaaa. he's the charismatic kind. especially at the last part of the last episode, the screen shots of him are SO GOOD. super super hot, HAHAHA. and he's the um chio ("secretly smile") kind in the show. his character is very different from that portrayed in Long Vacation. and also different from Beautiful Life (which i didn't finish watching, got sian by the general sombre mood of the show, will watch when i'm the right mood for it). i realised that i didn't find kimura hot at the beginning of Long Vacation either, and he wasn't hot at all in Beautiful Life (yet again, i only caught maybe about 2 episodes?) it's his overall charisma that wins you over in the end. ok i'm just repeating myself, but heck it. HAHA.

matsu takako seemed to look hotter when i saw her when i was young. hmm.

the plot's good because they don't focus much on love? there IS the theme of love, but the show isn't about love. how refreshing! and the criminal cases are interesting. the love between the leads are so subtlely and realistically created and the progression was natural. very goood.

and i love the music! especially the end theme: Can You Keep A Secret by Utada Hikaru. it's hilarious how they gave utada so much screen time in her cameo role. it's very little screen time in reality, but for a role as a cameo waitress, it's unbelievably how much time they spent focusing on her face. i didn't know it was her when i was watching, and found it so bizarre until i realised that it's utada, and then things started to make sense.

kimura is so cute! he looks best when he looks directly at the camera. pity that he has crooked teeth. matsu also has crooked teeth. oh wells.

shucks, i'm as meaty, or even MORE meaty than matsu takako then. oh no. i better lose weight!!

and look at the pictures of kimura, he is looking hotter with age. and he doesnt seem to have aged at all!! goodness.. what is this..

ok end of my bimbo rant :)!

Ueno Juri

2008-09-09T18:39:00.001-07:00

She's currently my favourite actress. gosh, she's so beautiful, and she acts so well! she has a lot of on screen charisma.

watched Nodame Cantabile and Swing Girls. saw her photos from Last Friends (where she acted as a butch). she looks so different, especially in Last Friends. have to admit that she looks very hot (as a female in her other shows, and as a lesbian in Last Friends).

i do wish that one day i can do a role like hers. really challenging and exciting :).

忍

2008-09-03T18:05:00.000-07:00

[edit] partially misconstrued. unwise of me. case closed. [/edit]

忍一時風平浪靜,

退一步海闊天空!

a happy day

2008-09-02T00:56:00.001-07:00

today's such a good day!

I have a new love.... *shy shy*... and he's GERRY!!

ok don't think in the wrong direction... he's one of the anatomy lecturers. and yesterday, our PCL tutor was not free, so he came to teach us! oh, he's SO GOOD.

today, during dissection, Dan came along and made me answer 2 qns! ahh he made my day! reminds me of last semester's PCL. feel pampered and have some importance and less stupid in front of him than *some other tutor*.

and to add the icing on the cake, Gerry appeared! and so i requested to look at his body. ok, his cadaver, i mean. and he went through the wrist with me. waaah, he's so so so good. and you can tell that he really enjoys teaching. *beams*

went for clinical skills tute, and felt really happy as i'm getting gradually increasingly comfortable with my class. happy happy :).

hmm, at the end of this year, if the *some other tutor* still doesn't call out my name, i'd seriously consider shaking his hand, thanking him for teaching us, and say "oh, by the way, my name is lin." hahaha!

"fathering found" and olympics

2008-08-11T02:47:00.000-07:00

got this from the staits times online..
http://www.straitstimes.com/Prime%2BNews/Story/STIStory_266726.html

super cute la!

watched the olympics (swimming) in school today during our 2 hour break in the lunch area. it was quite a site, to see a crowd of people from various nationalities sitting on the floor together, watching the silent projection on the wall.

it was rather amusing how some of us were deciding who to support. ie, the criteria based on, firstly, an athelete from your country (happened once today); secondly, your favourite athelete; thirdly, nationality (preferably asians of course). and when we can't find anybody that fits into that criteria, we go back to basics: height, physique and looks. of course, that's for the male swimmers *drools*. the female swimmers were generally too bulky to admire.

then when it was Tao Li's swim, whoa! the small bunch of us in the middle of the sea of australians were like cheering and going all excited because she was in the finals. and she made it to the 5th place, which is very good! 5th in the whole world! aiya, after a while, you just give up having hopes that singapore will get gold medals for such events.

the most amazing event that i've seen today is the 4X100m men's relay. everyone seated there was rooting for australia (duh, cuz singapore ain't in it) and we were all cheering for them. it was a super exciting race, and someone was going "wtf" at the speed of the americans. and the world record was broken by 5 of the teams in that race. everyone applauded when USA won, especially seeing how they won just at the VERY END. waaahh. i was never interested in olympics, and never watched it till today. now i'm interested.

ok, life's sucky and good all at the same time. too much work to do. GAH. :/

favourite quotes

2008-07-04T21:16:00.000-07:00

"If you cannot improve on the silence, do not speak."

"If you care to know of past live's causes,
Look at rewards you are reaping today
If you wish to find out about future lives,
You need but notice what you're doing right now."

"It is said that if you want to know what you were doing in the past, look at your body now; if you want to know what will happen to you in the future, look at what your mind is doing now."

The Dalai Lama

the 2nd and 3rd quote are basically the same thing with a slightly different focus. liked both, so put both in haha. these 3 quotes have kept me grounded recently :). especially the first quote. helped me trememdously when i was in australia. hope these quotes can be of inspiration to you!

2008-06-17T02:42:00.000-07:00

Knowing life is short, how can we quarrel? - The Buddha
Our time is too precious not to love. - Jack Kornfield

anaphylaxis

2008-06-14T07:58:00.000-07:00

i'm like damn round now. as round as a char siew bao. (see my problem?? i love food so much, i even use them to describe myself) scared ppl can't recognise me when i go back to singapore. boo :(.

aim to run everyday back in singapore!! woohoo!! hehh. hope i do get down to it.

i ~~hate~~ anat. it's ~~pissing~~ me off. gaaaahhh. and we look like sai when we are foetuses. ugly parasitic lifeforms.

hahahaaa dont mind me, i'm just a bit mad now. and bitter. bitter mad meddie. heh.

soleus muscle.

gaah why do i always do start studying so late, i might as well just go and die. argh

i'm allergic to studying.... getting histamine released from mast cells which originate from basophils (granulocyte). due to IgE binding to it's Fc receptors. my arteries are dilating and capillary permeability increasing, losing circulatory volume and decrease in bp... getting an anaphylactic shock... and as there's no adrenaline to administer to me subcutaneously... i'm officially pronounced dead!!

whheeeeeeeeEEE~~!

oh, oh! on a happier note, i can't wait to go to Thai Express!!! *salivates* ...wait, did i just give in to my stomach again? :/

wishlist

2008-06-04T18:52:00.000-07:00

1) sambal stingray
2) katong laksa
3) bah chor mee
4) jap food. soft shell crab
5) sambal kang kong
6) crab (black pepper/chilli/ tang hoon)
7) san lao he fen
8) mom's food. actually that's at the top. :)

amusing medical quotes

2008-05-31T00:27:00.000-07:00

A Short History of Medicine
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root."
~Author Unknown

When a lot of remedies are suggested for a disease, that means it cannot be cured. ~Anton Chekhov, The Cherry Orchard

It is a mathematical fact that fifty percent of all doctors graduate in the bottom half of their class. ~Author Unknown

Did God who gave us flowers and trees,
Also provide the allergies?
~E.Y. Harburg, "A Nose Is a Nose Is a Nose," 1965

It is a good thing for a physician to have prematurely grey hair and itching piles. The first makes him appear to know more than he does, and the second gives him an expression of concern which the patient interprets as being on his behalf. ~A. Benson Cannon

anyway urgh i have fever :(. for the past few days. and i cant rest cuz of the stupid assignment!!! omg i cant wait for this crap to be over.

lesson to be learnt

2008-05-30T19:19:00.000-07:00

...don't anyhow bo dai bo ji go and find trouble.

attitude to take up: Don't Care, Don't Know, Don't Bother.

keep your mouth shut.

argh.

A Stroke of Insight

2008-04-05T08:03:00.000-07:00

http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/229

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOUpldRBxyg&feature=email

amazing videos on peace and happiness. the first one is about a woman who experienced a stroke. the second one is about prem rawat maharaji. i cried. really worth your time, for if you have time to check out my blog, you sure do have time to watch those videos :).

To rmb

2008-02-27T03:08:00.000-08:00

hello darlings!

sorry for the lack of updates. have been really busy. no time laa. haha. but in a nutshell, life has been good and interesting :). hope life has been good for you guys too! shall blog more another time.

personal note: to keep my mouth shut. right speech dear, right speech.

Beverly Craven - Promise Me

2008-02-02T10:53:00.000-08:00

You light up another cigarette
And I pour the wine
It’s four o’clock in the morning
And it’s starting to get light
Now I’m right where I want to be
Losing track of time
But I wish that it was still last night
You look like you’re in another world
But I can read your mind
How can you be so far away
Lying by my side
When I go away I’ll miss you
And I will be thinking of you
Every night and day just ...

Promise me you’ll wait for me
’cos I’ll be saving all my love for you
And I will be home soon
Promise me you’ll wait for me
I need to know you feel the same way too
And I’ll be home, I’ll be home soon

When I go away I’ll miss you
And I will be thinking of you
Every night and day just ...

Promise me you’ll wait for me
’cos I’ll be saving all my love for you
And I will be home soon
Promise me you’ll wait for me
I need to know you feel the same way too
And I’ll be home, I’ll be home soon

Promise me you’ll wait for me
’cos I’ll be saving all my love for you
And I will be home soon
Promise me you’ll wait for me
I need to know you feel the same way too
And I’ll be home, I’ll be home soon

beautiful song, it's ringing in my head.

..and i'll be home, i'll be home soon.

周华健 - 其实不想走

2008-01-30T07:10:00.000-08:00

你总是说我在
这样孤单时候
才会想与你联络
然而谈的情
说的爱不够
说来就来说走就走
怎么会不懂我
怎么会不知道
女人的心是脆弱
寂寞不是我
不能够忍受
只是每一天
我想你太多

其实不想走
其实我想留
留下来陪你每个春夏秋冬
你要相信我
再不用多久
我要你和我今生一起度过
其实不想走
其实我想留
留下来陪你每个春夏秋冬
你要相信我
再不用多久
我要你和我今生一起度过

(music)
怎么会不懂我
怎么会不知道
女人的心是脆弱
寂寞不是我
不能够忍受
只是每一天
我想你太多

其实不想走
其实我想留
留下来陪你每个春夏秋冬
你要相信我
再不用多久
我要你和我今生一起度过
其实不想走
其实我想留
留下来陪你每个春夏秋冬
你要相信我
再不用多久
我要你和我今生一起度过

i love this song. happen to hear it on the radio today. the lyrics sound nearly quite suitable. hahaha!

india pilgrimage slides

2008-01-28T21:34:00.001-08:00

i'm preparing the slides for india pilgrimage now. oh my goooodneeessss, can die laaa. got SO MANY PHOTOS. going to take 10 years to go through this. gaaaaaaaaahhhh :/

and thus it has ended. :)

2008-01-28T05:41:00.000-08:00

24 - 27 january, those 4 days flew by.

i feel a great sense of satisfaction and accomplishment, and yet also a sense of loss.

anyway, for those who don't know what i'm talking about, i've been acting in the play Passage of Time for those 4 days. let me recount my experience....

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

24th January 2008; The First Night
loads of glitches. people missing their cues, coming out onto the scene late, etc. it's like a rehearsal la. in fact, we didn't have a rehearsal at all on the same day. the last rehearsal was the night before. felt it was pretty sucky, it was the worst of all the shows.

25th January 2008; The Second Night
we had a good show! but i almost had a heart attack, when i went backstage in between scenes to change, as i discovered that my costume was missing! turned out that auntie tusita took my clothes and ran off to the changing room. luckily someone ran to find her and i managed to somehow miraculously change in time for my scene (which was next). had a minor short circuit in my head, and almost screwed up the lines for that scene and the next one. luckily, nothing bad happened and all turned out well in the end hahahaha.

26th January 2008; The Third Day (Matinee)
the cast and some bf members were invited to a special lunch dana with Ajahn Brahm. but due to the lack of time, the cast left before finishing lunch :(. super rushed. didn't have much time for make up and stuff, back stage was chaotic. 3 mins to 5 mins before the play started, shu and pam came backstage to find me (thank you babes!) even though by right they weren't supposed to. and i was still doing my hair and make-up! gosh. so yes, under-prepared, partly complacent too. result was an extremely terrible first half. thank goodness things improved after the interval, managed to get some mood back. was feeling so apologetic towards my friends who came. thank you veron, juncheng, ta, pam and shu for coming! really appreciate your presence :).

26th January 2008; The Third Day (Night Show)
a lot of negativity while preparing for the night show. kept on thinking of how badly i acted in the day. thank goodness for angie, nick, wj, and everyone else who kept on encouraging me and told me to let go. this round i had time to get into character, and nick pulled me to send metta together with him to the audience. think it worked. hahaha. things went very very well, as if it was to make up for the afternoon show. the energy of the entire cast was very high. despite minor mistakes made here and there for the Finale, everyone was just so happy and joyful. felt extremely happy that night. the audience left very happy :). oh oh, Edmund Chen, Xiang Yun and their kids came. had compliments from them, made me very happy!

27th January 2008; The Last Night
ahh, the VIP night. had Minister of Health, Mr Khaw Boon Wan, and his wife to grace the event. Liu Ling Ling (actress of 881) came too! that night was very very good too. personally, i felt that i peaked on this night. however, as a cast, the best was the night before, the energy was higher. as an actress, this was my personal best. very happy.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

overall, i'm very satisfied with how things turned out. things have improved as a whole from last year's show. and despite my lack lustre performance on the first night and the matinee show, i still recieved kind and positive comments. so yes. it's very encouraging! should i ever get a chance to act again, i'll strive and work even harder!!

as individuals, everyone has grown, in both acting and maturity. it's amazing to see how much things have changed in just 1 year. i will miss everyone terribly when i leave.

have loads of things to do before i leave. i have 13 more days. jia you hui lin!

goodbye, zen neeon

2008-01-21T05:44:00.000-08:00

my zen neeon's like dead. i can't turn it on, and when it doesn't respond when i hook it up to the computer.

ok, it IS dead.

so yes, i'll have to buy a new mp3 player. actually i don't HAVE to, but i want to. oops? hahaha.

dear friends, i don't mind getting a mp3 player as a farewell gift. take it as 5 years worth of bday presents.quite a good deal really, especially if you are sharing. hahaha.

ok just kidding, cuz i know no one will buy one for me :p. i'm just too lazy to go and buy lar. and i don't know what's good in the market now. any suggestions?

oh, i can't bear to lose all of my songs. cuz now my songs are all over the place, some of them are already deleted from the com. geez. oh wells.

yawn**

2008-01-20T08:33:00.001-08:00

lousy blog post title i know. hehheh. today i had another tiring round of rehearsals. wah. can die can die ahhaha. anyway feel like posting photos... posted in chronological order.

taken during Real Run 07, where we ran 10km with some other bf members. my virgin jump. wheeeee

taken on thurs. where only me, wj, mandy, ly turned up for this supposedly full cast rehearsal. hahaha. was so bored that day. didnt help that 3 of us were sick.

taken during today's rehearsal. hohoho. hmm we are quite sadistic actually. and we took that in front of the buddha statue some more. haha.

dinner:)

lovely sky today. the sky has been beautiful lately.

my latest photoshop product. woohoo. bored la, bored la.

Envy

2008-01-19T19:05:00.000-08:00

gosh, ego and envy is such a big ugly monster.

even though i tell myself to let go, the feeling still arises in me. like why does ___ get such treatment but not me?? [even though it's not confirmed that i wont be treated that way, but it's probably so, based on unfortunate experiences]

yet again, i can understand why i'm not given such treatment. it's just unfortunate that i'm sort of involved in ___ treatment, so i'm aware of it. such a horrid feeling.

aiya what a waste of time thinking of it. ok i'm done. hahaha :).

Movies // film

2008-01-18T06:39:00.000-08:00

whoa ho! i was browsing through Rotten Tomatoes, and then i remembered this favourite movie of mine, Who Framed Roger Rabbit! goodness, a classic. i remembered watching this on tape over and over again. and guess what? some kind soul has actually uploaded the whole thing onto youtube! think i'm going to watch it again now even though i'm super tired.

i just found out that it was made in 1988! the year i was born. wow. ok it's amazing to me hahahhaa.

and guys, if you haven't watched Pan's Labyrinth, go watch it. it's.... very, very good. very dark, very sad, very touching. can't remember who i watched it with. anyway, it garnered 96% thumbs up in Rotten Tomatoes! wowee.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

so, the filming has come to an end.

my verdict:
1. i'm NOT videogenic. gawd.
2. i'm too used to theatre style.
3. please refer to point number 1.

despite my complaints, i thoroughly enjoyed myself. i have met very nice people there. very interesting people who are really talented. one of them composes his own songs, and they are very nice. another takes beautiful photographs (actually they all like taking photos, just that i happened to see the photos from one guy).

part of me aspires to be like them. to be so talented in the artistic side. like photography, always in the moment. beautiful.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

regretted not speaking to joce and alicia more when i met them today. oh wells.

haha, he's like an ah peh now. bought salon pas for him, which didn't really work. tried finding Bengay's to no avail. wonder where my mom bought it...

林憶蓮

2008-01-10T08:50:00.001-08:00

i love this song. it's by 林憶蓮, <情人的眼淚>, Dick Lee's remixed version. so subtly sexy and sensuous. think my aunt used to play the tape (or it's just distorted memories hehe). check out <夜太黑> by her too. whoa, sexy with class. <傷痕> is a good song too.

gaah there's the filming tomorrow (today, to be accurate. it's 12:25am). boooo :(

but might get to see the bf! thus am i appeased :).

ytd, i couldnt sleep till around 4am. and i was woken up by the vacuum cleaner at 9:30am. oh, so sad. luckily i managed to take a 3 hour nap in the evening. hope i can sleep later haha. really sucks. and the poor boy slept even less than me, couldnt sleep in the afternoon, and coughs more than me. sigh.

oh, ta is coming for the show! ok i'm really happy :).

i so need to change my wardrobe. sheesh. anybody wanna go shopping? hahaaa

[Babies: Whatever!] + [Emo over POT] + [IDP]

2008-01-09T07:43:00.000-08:00

goodness, you have to check this out. courtesy of my cousin. super funny and cute. "...whatever!" :)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

goodness, i'm sick again. actually, i'm already sick, just that when i was about to recover, i got sick again. got the India Flu/Cough when i got back, passed it to wj, and then now he's passed it back to me haha. poor boy, he's been hacking away for weeks. even lost his voice. :/

anyway, rehearsals seem to be improving. yaaay. nick is really amazing. esp when he puts his mind to it. usually he's already good, but when he's serious, whoa. he can pull me in with him. respect!

for the last play, i was more pro-active, and i tried asking people if they wanted to go (close friends only). this time round i haven't asked any. i wonder if it's the right thing to do. for my good friends all know i'm acting in a play (everytime we catch up, that's the latest development in my life, and when i fail to meet them, it's because of rehearsals). sometimes i think, if they want to go, they will naturally tell me when i tell them i'm busy preparing for a play. yet the problem comes when they DON'T show any signs of wanting to come. then i start thinking too much, wondering about their lack of support and thus feeling sad.

yet again, perhaps it goes both ways. they could be busy, or they think i don't want them to go, or maybe they are ambivalent and need a little push from me before they say yes. the point is i didn't ask. so why should i expect a reply?

aiyaaaar, guess it's cuz i don't want to pressure them, and more importantly though i hate to admit, i don't ask for the fear of rejection and disappointment (oh don't remind me please). and since i've chosen to shut my mouth up, i shouldn't expect anything (other than silence in return). live with your decision hui lin! and stop grumbling or being upset!

for the record, i do want my friends to come, but of course it adds on pressure on me la. hahahahhaa.

ok. i shall stop stop my emo-ing, even if i do decide to ask around and people don't wanna come. oh! i haven't asked someone important for the last round. shall ask her this time :).

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

regarding my previous post about idp, i had a scare and almost died when the bank draft was thought to be lost. turns out that the mail was late and monash did receive my bank draft in the end, thank goodness. PHEW.

idp

2008-01-04T19:14:00.000-08:00

i emailed monash hall admissions to ask them to accommodate me earlier from 11 feb(by default it would be 16 feb). and so they replied...

Dear Hui Lin Teoh,

Thank you for your e-mail. This e-mail is to confirm that we will be able to accommodate you from the 11/02/2008. Please arrive between office hours (9:00am - 9:00pm). You are still yet to pay your Building and Amenities Fee. Please remember to pay this by the 20th January 2008.

Kind regards,

Admissions Officer
Monash Residential Services

like WTH (@ the words i coloured red)?!!! because i already paid through IDP before i left for india.. think i paid them in the first week of december. so bloody inefficient laaar, haven't send my bank draft to monash.

as i read it yesterday night, past office hours, i had no choice but to wait till today to call and check with IDP. and as fate has it, IDP is closed on every first saturday of the month (which is today why oh why), and every sunday. great, just great.

they probably are waiting for every tom, dick and harry to hand in their bank drafts before they mail them over to monash. or so i hope. i'd rather it be this way than for them to have lost my stuff. gaawwd.

please let me have a roof over my head when i get there.

publicity

2008-01-04T08:00:00.001-08:00

gawd, i'm leaving soon. i'm starting to freak out a little after i realised ytd how poorly prepared i am.

maybe a little bit too happy-go-lucky eh? or perhaps just a usual case of escapism. hehhh.

anyway, happy happy things, i went to his house today. so, it's a happy happy day. :)

anyway, i'm acting in the Passage of Time (POT) again.

wah, damn pretty photo of me. so anyway, might as well do some publicising here. the 24th and 27th are booked if i'm not wrong. so the rest are available. check this out for more info: http://www.buddhistfellowship.org/bf_new/pages/latest_events/announcements_POT_jan08.html

acting is a real challenge. and goodness, film is SO DIFFERENT from stage. i mean, i've already known about the differences in theory, but actually experiencing it is... truly an experience. hahaha. tongue-tied, tongue-tied.

ok i was multi-tasking and was kpo-ing at facebook. so i forgot what i originally intended to blog about. HAHA. whatever lar. goodnight all :)!

Friends (and Resolutions)

2008-01-04T07:24:00.000-08:00

i feel that the distance between me and my friends is growing. for good friends, it depends, some of the links are still strong. for others, the bond has come to pass.

i have to admit it's of my own doing, for i start to distance myself from others because i feel that they are understanding me less and less. sometimes, it's tiring to explain to everyone about what has happened (or is happening) in my life, repeating and explaining at length again and again. also, it doesn't help when sometimes you feel that they aren't so concerned with you. their "hey how have you been doing!" or "what's up?" are just their way of being polite. in the end, i don't feel like talking about myself, i'd rather listen to them (which is what they really want and i happen not to mind, saves energy HAHA), and thus the communication is only one-way. and when they misunderstand me and my actions, all the more i feel sick of explaining.

of course, gems do appear occasionally, where they really want to listen and understand me. a real delight sharing our experiences together. how i miss those sincere and heartfelt conversations where we really want to know each other.

it's pretty sad, really. but i guess i've gotten used to it, and i'm still in the process of accepting it. after all, friends come and go, nothing is permanent. interestingly, i'm not feeling the need and urgency to catch up with all my friends, and to hold on to them. in fact, i'm trying to slowly disengage myself as i prepare to leave. who knows if this is for the better or worse. haha.

perhaps my attitude is out of fear. fear of rejection, and of loss.

may i grow to be more independent, to be a person who does not have to seek approval from others in order to feel good and accepted. may i be a person who cherishes The Moment, instead of being like those who miss and wish to go back in time, or those who hang on and hate the past. may i always remember the Nature, and work towards a happier existance, and in turn allow the people around me be happy.

wow, is that my new year's resolution? haha! ok. that's probably it, even though i wasn't thinking of making resolutions consciously. well done. haha. (ok shall add that in the title then :p)

anyway, the bf will probably say that i'm thinking too much, hahaha! which is true. thinking about oneself is the cause of suffering!

i remember thinking to myself that my friendship with A is becoming more and more awkward and that's it, we're drifting and there's no return. and my friendship with B is going to stay strong for years, even though we might not keep in contact all the time. guess what? the situation is the exact opposite now! lol! proves how impermanent things can be and we shouldn't judge people and things. i should just be happy if things are going well, and equanimous if things aren't. of course, put in effort as well lar.

in a nutshell.. (karaoke)

2007-12-28T09:13:00.000-08:00

ok i'm really tired, no time to reply tags at the moment, but thanks everyone, hope u all are well and happy too :)!

let's summarise what has happened in recent times....

1) 10 days in india.
2) Arrival on 25th Dec 4am. had a party in the afternoon(relatives only), and another at night(friend's birthday).
3) 26th Dec: met up with ade+pam in afternoon, had rehearsal at night
4) 27th Dec: watched a movie with friends in the afternoon, met up with some other ppl later, had dinner with talia at night. went home and did bf stuff till 4am.
5) 28th Dec (today): went to the hairdresser's in the afternoon(dyed my hair). went to collect my air ticket for australia. went to buy mobile phone. went to the police clubhouse to discuss bf stuff and had karaoke.

goodness, i have been going to sleep during ungodly hours recently. no time to recover from jet lag, LOL.

today's my virgin karaoke experience. hoho. i have great friends who are kind to me, and i'm so glad to have them. :)

night!

hello hello :)

2007-12-11T06:36:00.000-08:00

Hi everyone! it's been almost 3 months since i've last blogged. even i'm amazed by myself hahaha. i didn't blog because i simply had no need to. was happy doing my stuff, didn't have time to blog, and felt lazy too haha. and when i felt the need to blog, i was feeling negative. then i thought, why blog only when i feel like crap? then it would seem as if the whole time when i didn't blog, i was suffering tons (when it was the exact opposite) so yes, end of lengthy explanation hahahaha.

many, many things have happened. and to me, they are very significant ones. i shall be talking about them here and there, could be a lengthy post. please be prepared (that's to those people who still check my blog. i think most people would have thought the blog's dead for good hahaha).

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

End of Work at Polo Ralph Lauren: 02/11/07

it was a fantastic work place. completely different dynamics from NCC (national cancer centre). the people were different, and more of the chinese speaking sort. the lack of obvious egos was refreshing. of course, egocentric people exist everywhere, but it was surprisingly lacking in PRL. perhaps it was also because the people i mixed around with were "small fry". and that was the best part, the small fry couldn't really care about the politics around. not as much as NCC hahaha. amazing how at NCC, even the smallest fry can inflate their egos so much to the extent of hurting other people. and how unfortunate that this is the nature of the work force! it's really saddening. but at least work has taught me to appreciate what i have right now, and also hopefully keep me mindful of how i treat people in the future.

photos taken on the last day of work :).

some of the younger folks! kian wee and judy :)

all in all, i met wonderful and amazing people there, and they were very very kind to me. probably also because i was the youngest kid there (the next in line was 22 years old). Thank you all :).

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Trip to Melbourne and Bodhinyana(Perth): 06/11/07 - 13/11/07

went to melbourne with my parents and brother tan kah tee to check out my school, and most importantly to unload my stuff (think it was 6 or 7 boxes worth of life savers).

met up with xue ling(4th year med student in Melbourne Uni, bf member) on the first day for dinner in the city area. good food! fantastic ice cream. vibrant city. happy happy :). xue ling was like.. bubbly wine. so full of energy and fun! amazing girl. she was very nice to us, brought us around, and went to her home.

on the 2nd day, met up with ivy(5th year med student in Monash Uni). dumped my stuff at her garage (life saver. really. if not i'd die when i go over next year) and she brought us around the campus and halls. monash is in the suburbs, so it's rather quiet. in my opinion, it's even quieter than Perth (like omg, that's like oh-so-quiet already!). she's very nice too! saw a room in one of the halls. not as small as i had imagined. can survive lar. hahaha.

think i'd need some time to get used to the place. especially given that i'm such a direction idiot, hope i don't get lost all the time. think i need GPS. hahahhaaaa.

---------------------------------------------

Then we went over to Perth! brother marc picked us up. very nice guy too (a very blessed trip. everyone's really nice).

goodness, the place was FULL OF FLIES. how horridly scary summer can be. to give you an idea of how bad it was, i was wearing a white shirt. my mom was walking behind me, and she was thinking, "ehh how come huilin's shirt got pattern one? what a huge black flower on her back with small dots here and there." and then she realised, those black spots were not part of the design, they were FLIES!! waaah then she started yelling and laughing.

we went to Bodhinyana the next day. Bodhinyana is a forest monastery somewhere in perth, with Ajahn Bhram as the abbot. loads of ang mo monks, also have an american of vietnamese descent, a singaporean monk.. aiyar loads of nationalities. pretty interesting.

met up with my eldest brother, renshang (or resh for short). apparently he was told that if you haven't eaten a fly, you haven't stayed long enough in australia. whenever we talked, we had to use at least one hand to fan away the flies. the flies loved moist areas so they usually attacked the eyes and mouth. thank goodness i wore specs all the time there, a bit more protection hahahaha. in the end, i usually used the sleeves of my jacket to fan away the flies, like how cows use their tails to wave flies away from their asses.

resh left for bodhinyana in april this year to become an Anagarika for a year.

(wiki: An anagarika is a term used in Theravada Buddhism to refer to a lay attendant of a monk. The monastic rules or Vinaya restrict monks from many tasks that might be needed, including the use of money, or driving to another location, so lay attendants help bridge this gap. All anagarika take the Ten Precepts, and often have the intention of becoming monks at a later point, though not always.)

about a month before we went to visit him, we got news that he wants to ordain as a monk. yes, you read it right, a monk. my mom was livid when she heard about it. anyway to cut the story short, we went to talk to him about it when we saw him, and he managed to convince us all that he's ready. plan goes that he'd come back to singapore in april 2008. work for a year, pay off the remaining bond, and then go and ordain as a monk, IF all goes well and nothing funny happens.

anyway, i thoroughly enjoyed myself at the monastery. recharged. had lengthy chats with this wonderful bro that i've missed tons. i didn't feel like leaving (only thought that made me wanna come home was wj. goodness. baaad baaaaad. too much attachment hahahahhaa).

Lunch Dana (the act of giving, generosity)

a pair of adorable twins with me and resh!! i simply LOVE THEM. *squeals* :)

a total sweetie pie :).

auntie ber(left) with my family.

bro and me :).

just before we left for the airport.

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Dinner: 30/11/07

auntie helen and big hui ling gave me and wenjie a treat, because we are leaving for australia. they are such sweeties :). had a fantastic meal!! big stomach. hahahha.

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Driving Test: 03/12/07

i passed.

ok i know this photo is oh-so-irrelevant, but well, as it's a happy event and i have no photos of it, i shall put a photo that makes me happy! hahahaha :)

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Buddhist Fellowship Youth Camp 2007 - Unbinding Boundaries: 07/12/07-09/12/07

waaah, have been preparing for this camp for months. or was it just 2 months? was in charge of publicity, almost died doing it. but well, somehow survived hahahaha. must thank thow, mandy, wen jie for it. thow, my poor boy, had to endure my craziness and help me run here and there. mandy had to do up the amazing poster. wenjie had to endure my pms too and also be the pr man. without them, i buay sai la!

wah, the organising part during the camp itself was crazy la. cuz only have 8 comm members (and one of them could only come from 2nd day onwards), and we had to handle around 30-40 ppl. plus being their leaders at the same time. quite tough. went crazy. hahahaha. but managed to survive.

it was really fun. of course, there were moments when we thought that things were screwed. (many of the activities were outdoors, and tee gong kept on calling the clouds to rain. fantastic lar.) but we managed to rise to the occasion and deal with it well(personal opinion).

camps are wonderful events. you get to meet new people, and you are forced out of your comfort zone. amazing to see how very different people interact, the dynamics of human interaction, and how tempers rise over the smallest issues.

overall, it was a good camp. lots of new people, and got positive feedback. may we be able to keep the momentum going, and keep them in. most importantly, may we grow as individuals together, and as spiritual friends. all in the direction of good.

this photo was taken a few days before the camp at vivo. went to recce at sentosa. pre-camp craziness showing up already.

Unbinding boundaries!

my team, Chummers Champions! woohoo :)

BUDDHIST FELLOWSHIP YOUTHS! :)

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India Pilgrimage: 14/12/07 - 25/12/07

coming up soon ;). yup, so i'd be going to india with bf. should start reading up on the places we are visiting, don't wanna waste my trip there. good kamma of mine to be able to go there at least once in my life time!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

there's no telling to when i'll next blog. i'm currently very happy. life has been good. very blessed to have all these wonderful people around me, wonderful friends, great family(it's just that i have to learn to appreciate them more hahahaha) and a fantastic boyfriend. i can't bear the thought of leaving them all in singapore (or in canberra, regarding the guy).

happiness. *beams* :)

Michelle Branch

2007-09-17T06:06:00.000-07:00

All You Wanted

I wanted to be like you
I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you
And I got swept away

I didn't know that it was so cold
And you needed someone
to show you the way
So I took your hand and we figured out
That when the tide comes
I'd take you away

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

I'm sinking slowly
So hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on
Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

All you wanted was somebody who cares
If you need me you know I'll be there
Oh, yeah

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Everywhere

Turn it inside out so I can see
The part of you that's drifting over me
And when I wake you're never there
But when I sleep you're everywhere
You're everywhere

Just tell me how I got this far
Just tell me why you're here and who you are
'Cause every time I look
you're never there
And every time I sleep
you're always there

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know
that makes me believe
I'm not alone
I'm not alone

I recognize the way you make me feel
It's hard to think that
you might not be real
I sense it now, the water's getting deep
I try to wash the pain away from me
Away from me

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know
that makes me believe
I'm not alone
I'm not alone

I am not alone
Whoa, oh, oooh, oh

And when I touch your hand
It's then I understand
The beauty that's within
It's now that we begin
You always light my way
I hope there never comes a day
No matter where I go
I always feel you so

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know
that makes me believe
I'm not alone
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I catch my breath
it's you I breathe
You're everything I know
that makes me believe
I'm not alone

You're in everyone I see
So tell me
Do you see me?

hello wello

2007-09-13T08:59:00.000-07:00

hey there jon's friend :)! i assume you are Pukie Marcie, which means you are no longer known as "jon's friend" but as "hui lin's friend-to-be". hee :p. glad you enjoyed the joke in that entry.what's your name anyway, unless you want me to call you Pukie from now on ;p.

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gosh, i'm exhausted. so many, many things to do. so little time. but when i have too much time, i complain too. HAHA. middle way, middle way.

watched Ratatouille today (finally). it's really entertaining! and the animation was very good. looked very realistic. guess the company is the most important factor though :p.

ahhh i'm going to sleep...

2007-09-03T06:52:00.000-07:00

just moments ago i was so self absorbed in my self inflicted suffering.

on hearing what my mom told me about her... things just changed 180 degrees. poor girl. i'm in no position to be upset about anything.

perspective, perspective.

it's time to take my hand away from my face, and realise that there's so much more around than just my hand.

relieved

2007-08-18T20:34:00.001-07:00

ok! everything's back to normal, even better.

but i lack sleep mans. and i cant fall asleep, my mind's too active. sheesh.

i need to buy at least one pair of flats, and slippers.

a true narcissist.

2007-08-18T09:54:00.000-07:00

after chit chatting with my bro and complaining to him about some idiot waiter taking advantage of me(he rubbed his thigh against me 3 freaking times god i swear i'd stick my fork into his very sensitive area if i ever see him again and he attempts to go near me), and photoshopping my photos, i'm feeling very happy now! i tell you, i'm just freakin vain. and in the spirit of true narcissism, i shall share with you my photoshop achievement:

hey, it was tough work ok!! i had to get rid of a super obvious spot on my face and a bra strap!! ok the bra strap was the irritating one. my bro taught me some techniques on how to get rid of it.. ok lar actuaally i'm just exaggerating it's level of difficulty. but whatever's the case, i like this photo. don't i look oh-so-cool??!! i had a hard time trying not to laugh.

2007-08-18T08:32:00.001-07:00

~~i'm so weak. and i hate it so much when i cry.~~

you chicken backside.... you.. you...

2007-08-18T08:03:00.000-07:00

wah lao ehh.. total chicken backside of the century laar. how dare u not reply me. slap u ahh! *piak piak!!* ok apparently i'm pmsing ALREADY. which doesn't make sense, for if i go according to calculations i should be ovulating. what the hell. unless pms starts that early. or if it stands for Perpetual-(Menstruation-Syndrome). *yells*

ok now i'm just thinking of whether to give u the ultimatum. god, i'm so scared. sigh. whatever. u'd probably have the what-have-i-done-to-deserve-this attitude. URGH.

i'm really scared. sometimes i think i may cry. i think too much, i know.

urgh, getting so upset over such a small matter. really stupid of me. i need perspective, man.

hey wuzun!! thanks for the tag. aiyar actually i'm quite happy, having a lot of fun. but yet again, not so happy since ytd over a small matter. HAHAHA. yea we shld keep in touch. it's kinda sad that we all have to go our separate ways, and i do fear that coming of the day when we feel awkward in each other's presence. anyway, i don't like wuzun anymore. i've decided that wong li hom is much better than wuzun. sorry dude!! hahaha. hope ur well and sch's alright :).

growls

2007-08-17T08:08:00.000-07:00

urgh. i'm such a *toot*. (i wanted to say that i'm such a pussy. and that's really bad language!! thus, the "toot")

first i felt weird. then i felt happy with "friends". then now i'm not happy again. i'm so irritated with myself!!! ARGH. i think too much lar. it sucks being female (on the assumption that girls tend to think too much of course)

*screams and yells*

i hope everything will be ok tmr. *SIGH* i'm missing ....

on a happier tone, work is pretty good. but i'm always busy. it's amazing how much advantage there is to be taken of cheap labour. hahaha. interesting interesting, but pretty tiring. my eyesight's sure to go.

i'm working

2007-08-15T06:20:00.000-07:00

i'm working. started today. at POLO RALPH LAUREN SOURCING PTE LTD.

like, what the sai?! can't imagine that i'd ever work in such a place. i'm working as an admin assistant, and not at the retail store. it's like.. headquarters? singapore branch.

it's pretty cool, for the first time i'm exposed to something related to fashion and design. there are textile cloths and samples everywhere. it's so alien. i'm more used to seeing dying people. sheesh.

unfortunately, they deal with MENS WEAR. boohoo :(. and sometimes when they have a "sale" (basically selling rejected samples because the boss doesn't like the design. and there are only about.. 10 of the exact same clothing in the whole world!!) and are sold at a super affordable price. like WHOA. but around once every 3 months. which is the amount of time i'd be spending there. hopefully i'd have the opportunity to buy some of the apparels! alas, as i've mentioned, they are male wear. :(

today i was supposed to go there for an interview at 9:30am. during the interview, the HR manager asked if i could start work right away. like WTH. i thought about it for 3 seconds, thinking about the shopping spree i'd have to postpone (the office is at harbourfront place, which is 2 buildings away from VIVOCITY), gave a little sigh in my mind, and agreed that i could. sheesh.

so yar. i started work. what a shock for my fragile heart. it's a very new environment, i refuse to comment too much on it. may the people remain as nice as they seem(or even nicer) while i'm there.

i'm so tired. my working hours is from 9am to 6pm. 6pm!!! so sad. and i take about 70mins to travel by bus. sheesh. i better sleep early from now on. overslept today and thought i was going to be late for the interview.

i'm kinda apprehensive about this job. VERY apprehensive actually. OH WELL.

oh, i guess this spells the end of the drought that i've brought to my blog. now it's raining huilin's saliva. i stopped blogging because i didn't feel the need to. oh wello wells. i wonder if anyone wld still read my blog after it became temporarily dead.

hope u guys are having fun. for school has started ;)! hehehehehe

holiday in phuket! + random

2007-07-19T08:30:00.000-07:00

hey all!

ok long time no update. i was, in summary, slacking my youth away. watching tv, vcd, and downloading manga. hohoho.

anyway tmr i'll be gone... i'll be in PHUKET!! woohoooo!!! leaving at around noon, be back on monday evening. so it's basically 4 days in bliss. ok i hope it's bliss, 'cause i heard that the place is really beautiful, plus i'm staying in a 5 star hotel! WEEHEEE. it's a soft meditation retreat, which means it's up you how strict you want it to be. so if you just wanna go shopping all day, or relax on the beach, you are allowed to. YESSS. (oh btw, i wont be bringing my hp. i think)

i can't wait to go swimming! heard the swimming pool's really nice. SO EXCITING!! a holiday... finally :). plus i get to sit on the airplane! it's been a while.. *contented sigh*

anyway if you have time, go check out this blog: http://rockson.blogspot.com/

got this link from gaius' blog. this guy's super funny lar. in his latest entry, he talks about the email MP Lee's son wrote and sent to the whole world. the email is also posted up on his blog. really amusing to read his entry, and i do find it pretty enlightening too. however, please be warned of his very colourful range of vocabulary. it's super amusing though! hehhehheh

oh, and check out this fwd email. super funny. and i think it's very true. enjoy :).

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Sunday night :

I thought he was acting weird.

We had made plans to meet at a cafe to have coffee.

I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.

Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so
we could talk.

He agreed but he kept quiet and absent.

I asked him what was wrong.

He said: "Nothing."

I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.

He said it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him.

He simply smiled and kept driving.

I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say: "I love u, too."
When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to
do with me anymore.
He just sat there and watched TV; he seemed distant and absent.

Finally, I decided to go to bed.

About 10 minutes later he came to bed.

I could not take it anymore, so I decided to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep.

I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep.

I don't know what to do.

I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.

My life is a disaster.

Husband's DIARY :

Today, Liverpool lost the match. Sigh....
.
.
.
.
.

That's the problem with Men - talk too little....

That's the problem with Women - think too much............

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

see you guys when i get back! :)

Harry Potter // Dim Sum Dollies

2007-07-12T10:45:00.000-07:00

ytd i went to watch harry potter with veron.

honestly i was rather disappointed. expected more from it, looking from the very nice trailer. the movie's different from the book. well, admittedly the book was too long winded. but there were too many changes, even if it was to conveniently shorten the film.

if you read the book, you would be disappointed with the numerous changes. if you didn't read the book, you might not understand the story as sometimes the linkage from one scene to the next was quite bad.

the acting was alright lar. as usual, i'm dissatisfied with dumbledore's acting. he's not as calm and composed as he's supposed to be. he's too... human. too vulnerable to emotions and physical threats. umbridge was pretty good. i like luna and tonks. and oooh, i'm in love with bellatrix. think her acting's fantastic. i wish i can act in a similar role.. as a mad, twisted woman who causes fear to arise in people. woohooo!

hermione and ron had very little screen time. oh well. no quidditch. and a less exciting version of the weasley brothers' exit from hogwarts. and i think mrs fig (was that her name, cant rmb. the squib) should have been all jumpy and frightened, instead of how she was portrayed in the show.

OH WELL. but i would have watched the show no matter what. and i love the view of london as they flew across the waters.

ok, here are two pictures of my beloved Bellatrix Lestrange, played by Helena Bonham Carter. i just love her. fantastic acting as always.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

went to watch Dim Sum Dollies at night with my bro.

gosh, it's a very very good show! very funny, and very nice songs. didn't expect it to be that good. pity that i don't understand hokkien, cantonese, malay. an incentive to be multilingual!

saw my SNGS teachers! ms cheleen chua, mr geraint wong, ms jeya. apparently ms heng was there. gosh! oh and the dim sum dollies also took a dig on the CHIJ girls. quite amused.

presenting to you.... THE DIM SUM DOLLIES!!! *does a little dance*

fruits basket

2007-07-11T09:39:00.000-07:00

i just read the last 3 chapters of fruits basket. god, i feel like crying. it never fails to crack me up and make my heart beat so vulnerably. ok weird description. but it's just such a lovely manga!

ok too sleepy. night ya all. love ya :)!! (HA! eric, now u can't say Where is the love. ok lame reply of mine.....)

HAHA

2007-07-09T08:33:00.000-07:00

gosh, i can't believe it, we both forgot that today's our 4th month!

and HE remembered it first. at like.. 11:30pm? hahahaha. ok i'm lousy.

actually i kinda like it this way. that we don't put extra emphasis on it, unless we feel like doing so. same logic as the Unbirthday Song. so that instead of having one special day, everyday is equally special!

but i'm so embarrassed for forgetting!! oh, oh!!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

THE UNBIRTHDAY SONG
From the Walt Disney film "Alice In Wonderland" (1951)
(Mack David / Al Hoffman / Jerry Livingston)

Statistics prove, prove that you've one birthday
One birthday every year
But there are three hundred and sixty four unbirthdays
That is why we're gathered here to cheer

A very merry unbirthday to you, to you
A very merry unbirthday to you, to you
It's great to drink to someone
And I guess that you will do
A very merry unbirthday to you

A very merry unbirthday to us, to us
A very merry unbirthday to us
If there are no objections
Let it be unanimous
A very merry unbirthday to us

A very merry unbirthday to me (to who)
A very merry unbirthday to me (to you)
Let's all congratulate me
With a present I agree
A very merry unbirthday to me

A very merry unbirthday to all, to all
A very merry unbirthday to all, to all
Let's have a celebration
Hire a band and rent a hall
A very merry unbirthday
A very merry unbirthday
A very merry unbirthday to all

panic attacks // bogus monks

2007-07-08T23:29:00.000-07:00

gaaahh i haven't been able to sleep well recently. first, i take a long time to get to sleep. then i wake up easily in between. and when i finally get out of bed in the morning (usually around 11am), i feel hardly rested. *growls*

it's called thinking too much about the future! i keep on thinking about australia, school.. gaah. feeling excited and apprehensive. gosh there's so many things in my small head. studies, tuition fees, lodging, car, friends, him, family, money money money... etc. it's so unnerving.

if i'm going to stay this worried and anxious till i leave, wah. cannot take it lar.

i think i have too much free time. i need to work. but anyway, i'll try to find a job and start work in august. think july's rather packed for me. then hopefully i'll work for 4 months. then i have december free to go over and suss out melbourne!

oh yess, i need to get a laptop. ok shall worry about that later. think i shall write that at the side of my blog so i'll remember.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

ytd there was an article in the newspaper about bogus monks. gosh, those "monks" really piss me off.

by right monks aren't supposed to even handle money. they should have a helper(dunno what they call them) with them to handle their money, even for transport. their alms bowl is to collect food only, not money.

i think these fake monks will disappear for a while before coming back now. but if they do come back.. *ROARRRSSS!!*

if i happen to come across one of them while i'm eating, i'll politely call them over, ask them to empty their alms bowl, and clean the bowl for them. then i'll very generously give them my food, and add extra gravy or soup into it(just make it as wet as possible). and if they dare to give me a look that does not show that they are grateful, i'll tell them to get lost before i call the police. URGHHHHHHH. SO ANGRRRYYY.

*slaps all of them*. how dare they spoil the name of the sangha, and abuse people's kindness and generosity?!! *ROARS IN FURY AGAIN*

ok nvm. they will reap what they sow. good luck to them.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Tags:

jw: hahaha. guess that's how i'm like when i need to rant. glad that you were entertained! ;)

suf: thanks suf :)! ehh! i'm the only one so far is it? hahaha. ooo mystery calls are always welcome ;).

ning: thanks sua :)!!

xun: oo yess! it's also really useful, especially when words are insufficient to express your feelings in blog entries. hahaha ;p.

yeewen: thanks babe :)!!

pris: hey pris! long time no see! thanks so much. yea i'm sure all will be fine. i hope. right? right??? oops i think i'm getting hysterical. hahaha :).

irritation

2007-07-05T20:47:00.000-07:00

aiyo. it sucks really. about how much personal time he needs.

i mean, yar, girls need their own personal time too of course. but somehow, the amount of private space guys need seem to be able to fill up the universe, which happens to be expanding by the second. sheesh.

let's see how long can i tahan being the sweet, tolerant and understanding one. regarding this issue of course. well, for many other issues, he's the sweet tolerant understanding one. so i shouldn't complain too much HAHAHA.

and the best part? no point if my mind ever decides to play with the idea of changing. 'cause all males are the same. SHEESH.

to best express how i feel, i shall let images do the talking (and this one, is my all time favourite piece):

The Scream by Edvard Munch.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Epilogue(hahahaha):

to be fair, he did tell me to let him know whenever i think he's neglecting me, and he's afraid that he would whenever he goes deep in thought, swimming in his own world. today i'm just more easily irritated, think it's my menses. makes me mental. haha! hey, 4 Ms. Menses Makes Me Mental! ok i'm going nuts lol.

feeling better after ranting it on the blog. i'm quite stupid and easily placated actually, once i saw our photo on his display pic. sheeesh. i'm SO LOUSY. *bangs head*

i'm the biggest chicken backside lar. oh sheesh. :(

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

FINAL Epilogue:

ok to cut the story short, we talked it out, and we are happy again! AHHAHAHA. being together with another person is a skill. oosh. very cheem, very cheem....

Transformers // University woes, half gone! :)

2007-07-04T07:30:00.000-07:00

Transformers; More Than Meets The Eye

I watched Transformers on monday, and GOSH, it's GOOD!!

action packed and very, very funny. the image of the indian telephone operator is stuck firmly in my head. the only other show that i've really, really enjoyed in recent times is Shrek 3.

oooh, i love Bumblebee.

ok. just realised that the image in xun's entry is also bumblebee... but heck lar. cuz he's my fav autobot!

this movie was worth my $7, definitely. even if it was $9, still worth it. go catch it, everyone! it's more than meets the eye! ;)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

guess what, everyone? i've gotten an email from Monash today. and it says that i'm offered a place for medicine over there!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! :))

gosh, i'm basking in pure happiness now. or at least when i first read it hahahaha. the official package and offer letter will reach me in 2 weeks time.

so yep, i'm going to call up smu and give up my place. i'm entering monash with the 2008 intake. so i'm going to be very free, especially when all of you guys start school. will look for a job soon.

it's really interesting to see how my emotions changed with time.

when i first saw the email, i was in total disbelief. had to read it a second time before things started sinking in slowly. then i was totally happy. just numb happiness. first thing i did was to fwd to him the email, then i tried to call him(which he didn't pick up :P). then i told my mom who was about to pass me a postcard about the SMU matriculation (she wasn't sure whether to give it to me. she was afraid that i'd be upset on being reminded that i was to enter SMU). she too, very happy, started calling all the relatives who have been bugging my mom about my uni stuff.

after a while, my emotions became less intensive. it became more of numb, with mini outbursts of joy here and there. when reality sank in (i.e: being alone overseas for at least 5 years, having to leave my love ones, being away from him as he'd be in another part of australia, being lonely and scared and having to make new friends in a totally foreign environment with no support, ETC.), i started panicking. my heart thumped faster, i sweat more. and this horrid weather doesn't help.

also, i started worrying that what if the email wasn't true. what if they pang seh me!! ok play me out is a more appropriate term haha. i need the package, to feel it in my hands, to assure me truly.

in between, i decided to research a little bit on the unis, and thats when discontentment started kicking in, cuz according to wiki monash is the 3rd in ranking amongst the australian unis for med, whereas melbourne is the 1st. aiyar, this is purely an ego problem. a very stupid and redundant ego problem. guess it stems from my anxiety on whether monash is good enough, or if she's better than NUS. and when i tried to find photos of the campus, the very few images i found werent very impressive, and i liked the architecture of the university of melbourne better. that didn't help at all. i like pretty buildings. hahahaha.

but now, i guess all the emotions have started to die down. have a little of all in me. and the discontentment part is quite dissolved. i'm very happy. but i'm still feeling a bit anxious about the cultural differences and my ability to adapt. gaaahh. aiyar. nvm. i have loads of time to prep myself for it.

anyway, thank you, everyone! for your support and belief that i can make it (in business or in medicine). i know i've been a real whiny pig throughout the process of applying for unis, and you people were really sweet to tahan, even giving me words of encouragement! thank you so, so much. :)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

lastly, i'd like to leave all of you with this pic:

isn't that so cute?!! gosh, the little girl reminds me of myself when i was a child. this scene happened rather regularly whenever my bros and my cousin tried to steal a kiss from me. oh, those were the days. hahaha.

Last 3 Images taken from deviant art (in order):
1. ___Happiness____by_punkshits
2. Exploration_of_JOY_by_zquan85
3. Unwanted_Kiss_by_frixin

Inspiration: The Path

2007-06-30T10:47:00.000-07:00

The Five Precepts

1. Panatipata veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami: I undertake the precept to refrain from destroying living creatures.
2. Adinnadana veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami: I undertake the precept to refrain from taking that which is not given.
3. Kamesu micchacara veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami: I undertake the precept to refrain from sexual misconduct.
4. Musavada veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami: I undertake the precept to refrain from incorrect speech.
5. Suramerayamajja pamadatthana veramani sikkhapadam samadiyami: I undertake the precept to refrain from intoxicating drinks and drugs which lead to carelessness.

Metta Sutta

This is what should be done
By one who is skilled in goodness,
And who knows the path of peace:

Let them be able and upright,
Straightforward and gentle in speech.
Humble and not conceited,
Contented and easily satisfied.
Unburdened with duties and frugal in their ways.
Peaceful and calm, and wise and skillful,
Not proud and demanding in nature.

Let them not do the slightest thing
That the wise would later reprove.

Wishing: In gladness and in safety,
May all beings be happy.
Whatever living beings there may be;
Whether they are weak or strong, omitting none,
The great or the mighty, medium, short or small,
The seen and the unseen,
Those living near and far away,
Those born and to-be-born,
May all beings be happy!

Let none deceive another,
Or despise any being in any state.
Let none through anger or ill-will
Wish harm upon another.

Even as a mother protects with her life
Her child, her only child,
So with a boundless heart
Should one cherish all living beings:
Radiating kindness over the entire world
Spreading upwards to the skies,
And downwards to the depths;
Outwards and unbounded,
Freed from hatred and ill-will.

Whether standing or walking, seated or lying down
Free from drowsiness,
One should sustain this recollection.

This is said to be the sublime abiding.
By not holding to fixed views,
The pure-hearted one, having clarity of vision,
Being freed from all sense desires,
Is not born again into this world.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

sudden inspiration to search on the chants. i broke the 4th precept. sigh. i was aware of it when i did it. now on hindsight i wonder if by speaking the truth, would the repercussions have been less? for sure my guilt would have been much less.

i'm feeling inspired to start practising. maybe i should go poh ern shih more often, not just on saturdays. and use the time to practise, right intention.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Noble Eightfold Path

Wisdom (paññā)

1. Right view

2. Right intention

Ethical conduct (sīla)

3. Right speech

4. Right action

5. Right livelihood

Mental discipline (samādhi)

6. Right effort

7. Right mindfulness

8. Right concentration

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

may posting this up serve as a reminder to me. remember, remember.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

ok i'll reply to tags when i'm less tired. my physical body is unrested.

May all beings be well and happy!

emo me.

2007-06-24T20:27:00.000-07:00

image taken from deviant art, by 7th Heaven Creative.

i want to look like that... and feel like that. joy and happiness.

when i think of the separation that is to come... gah. i don't know how am i going to deal with it. logic and rationality are gone from me, only my heart is working, and it's suffering. i know it's to do with labels and clinging, attachment. but knowing what it is doesn't mean i truly understand it.

doesn't help that my mom likes to pretend and act dumb. even though i don't usually admit this, my mom is an important pillar of support for me. now with one pillar gone...

i see one major major problem for the future though. it's the inability to compromise regarding that issue!! BAAH. and it's what i've ALWAYS wanted. as i grow up i begin to understand the weight and responsibility that comes with it, but i still want it! and some things you want, i can't give in. not that i don't want to, but hey, i'm born like this. can't provide that. haha. unless you want me to have an early death!

aiyar, on the big scale, this is considered kachang butih. in other words, very small issue. but aiyar. being a FEMALE, (or being HUI LIN), i just think too much. think too far ahead as well. live in the present moment!!

ok the stupid ssdc site is not working properly. i'm getting super, super irritated and pissed off. bitter icing on the yucky tasting cake. fantastic.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. *screams*

My Sassy Girl / Week's updates / Things to do

2007-06-21T06:04:00.000-07:00

i just watched My Sassy Girl. bought the vcd yesterday.

AHHH it's SO SO SO NICE. at first i was like wth, especially for the first half of the movie. but it was quite funny lar. then when the ending came, suddenly everything made sense. and wow, it links back to the beginning, and it's so sweet. *FAINTS*. and as usual, i cried. HAHAHA. but not much! considerably a lot less than usual. well done, hui lin :)!

and the girl's SO PRETTY. the guy's... well. the nerdy type. hahahaha.

i'm hooked onto the soundtrack (I Believe).

what's nice about this movie that it makes you think that it might be a true story. but well, after much research (hahaha this is what happily unemployed people do with their time), this movie is inspired from a true story. so baseline is, it's not real lar.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

ok! updates on my life... aren't you curious about what happily unemployed people do? okie let's do this in an organised fashion.

15 June, Fri:
morning - had final theory prac.
evening - cold rock's opening and lena+genia's bday celebration!

16 June, Sat:
3:30pm - had a bf youth + bedside support group bbq at east coast! so.. yum yum. watched sandcastle building for the first time!
11:45pm - went to cold rock for ice cream immediately after the bbq. lol.

17 June, Sun:
whole day - did nothing. which means i was a total sloth, woke up late, ate and watched tv. and also thought too much and worried unnecessarily about things that don't need to be worried about.

18 June, Mon:
morning - had my final theory trial test, and i passed! which is quite amazing given the amount i've studied, or the lack of it. btw, i have to pass a trial test before i am qualified to take the REAL final theory test. grr.
evening - had a belated bday dinner with ade, shu, pam! thanks babes :)!

19 June, Tues:
evening - driving session. boo.
night - dinner with him! and i was late ~~again~~. oopsie :p.

20 June, Wed:
afternoon - bf meeting, to discuss about moonlight. after it was over, i bummed around in marina sq and esplanade, till he finished his other meeting.
night - STINGRAY DINNER at CHOMP CHOMP!! with gilly and kaori :)! chompchompchomp. thought we weren't full at first, but it turned out to be pure greed.

21 June, Thurs (TODAY):
went for monash interview at 12:30pm. how nerve wrecking! turns out that qi en went for it as well. hahaha she vry cute lar. she found out that i was going through her kay poh methods. amazing. wish her all the best! :) oh, oh, and i watched My Sassy Girl!

22 June, Fri (TOMORROW):
ok given what a sloth i am, i shall blog in advance since i'm already here, HAHA. tmr i'll wake up late, slack and watch tv (i'm clairvoyant... ohmmm...). then i'll be going out for dinner with lena and my 2nd bro! ok anything more then this i can't promise you. lalala :)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

ok it's high time to list the things to do. i'm just wasting my life away at this rate!

THINGS TO DO:
1) Clean up my room.
2) Upload photos and send photos. (genia+lena's bday, kaori+gil)
3) Spend my $20 Taka voucher and $60 Borders voucher (whoopee!)
4) Medical Checkup
5) SMU Matriculation
6a) Send photos for printing
6b) Buy photo album
6c) Paste photos into album/scrapbook
7) Study final theory on the day of the test (18 July)
8) Plan and settle driving sessions
9) Write notes for driving
10) [to be continued... *cues ominous music*]

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Tags:

ning: HAHAHA. great consolation. thanks! (no i'm not being sarcastic here even though it might sound sarcastic, please trust me!!) and anyway, u would be going in TWO years later! boo :(

veron: thanks babe! yar la it'll be fine. i just need time :). hope canada's nice to u!

jw: hey girl! it was a pleasant surprise to see you! because genia said you weren't be there at that night. so yar. wish we could talk more! see you around (if i decide to grow my fats and visit cold rock hahaha) take care! :)

cold rock!

2007-06-14T18:19:00.000-07:00

hey guys! my friend's ice cream shop is finally opening today:)!! come and check it out. there's complimentary sample creations from 7pm-9pm today! it's at holland village, next to spizza. here's the poster:

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

reply to tags:

K: yes, all hail ur photography skills lol! aiyar quite unglam. but i liked it somehow. hahaha

eric: thanks dude :). yea. one step at a time. xinyi got into business is it??

sua: ahhh sua.. thing is, i can't think of anything else that i like other than medicine :/. (no i dont like dentistry or pharmacy or nursing so naaahh) so i guess i went for practicality? and aiyar, i guess i'd like business, after a while. maybe after a long while. and i'd go for med, if overseas would take me. but thanks anyway, got ur point :).

uni blues

2007-06-13T06:27:00.000-07:00

i just got the email from SMU regarding my matriculation.

............. :(

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. this is SO SAD. ok i shouldn't be saying this but AHHHHHHHH. i need to let this out, after weeks of trying to be positive.

i DON'T WANT to go to smu because i don't want to do business! what i really, really want is to do medicine! GAAAHH.

i keep trying to tell myself that i'm crazily lucky to go to smu and to take a double degree! ok let's admit, i'm so unprepared to go there. i mean, i don't even know what am i going to study. i totally have no ideas what kind of modules you have to take, and how many years i have to study for! i don't know how much am i to pay per year. i don't know anything, and everything.

now you know how ready i am to enter smu.

my heart sank when i got the email about the matriculation. so being a bit more concerned about my future, i went to check out the website provided. the more i read, the worse i felt. god, there's going to be a camp. ARGHHHH. this is one of the few times that i don't feel a teeny weeny bit of excitement when it comes to camps. actually, this is the only time! unless my memory failed me once again, which tends to happen rather frequently.

great. and i have to pay thousands of bucks for a course i don't want to take. GAAAHH.

and i have to go for stupid health screenings, go for the matriculation, go for orientation, go for blah blah blah. in summary? things i don't want to go for because i don't want to be there.

ok i'm behaving like a spoilt brat. if you guys are put off by me, especially those who are entering smu, i'm sorry. it's not because i think that being a doctor is much more prestigious than being in business. but it's simply because i WANT to be a doctor. that's what i've always wanted to be. and honestly, i think being in business requires more brains, a lot more interpersonal skills. sure, having good social skills is a plus point in every occupation, but i feel it's more essential in business. if you can't really speak well as a doctor, u wont die, if you can give correct diagnosis and give the correct solution to the problem, you are safe! perhaps you wont be very popular, then just don't go private lar! GAAAAHHH.

*rant rant rant rant rant*

*GRUMBLES*

and i've not gotten any replies from the other 3 aust unis. this sucks. maybe i should be positive, no news is good news! but i need to get on with life. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. whatever, anything.

anything, whatever.

*pulls hair*

for now, i'll just try to pretend that i didn't receive that email. for as long as possible? bwaaah :(.

can't things ever, ever go right?

.....sigh.

my birthday (11 june:)) + photos

2007-06-12T08:59:00.000-07:00

b4 i start, i have to announce something. i'm stuck on that stupid gatsby song where takuya kimura looks so ugly and gay(not in the jolly way). and all thanks to veron after she posted it up onto her blog and i couldn't resist listening to it more and more. ughhh.

and oh, i just watched 200 Pounds Beauty on youtube! it's real good! i liked it at least. love the songs. marriaaaaa.........~~~

if you wanna watch, you can go to my playlist, i've it all up there in order. my username's linteoh :).

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ok! let's talk abt my bday! :)

ytd was my bday, it was great. not particularly exciting or anything, but having great company and minor surprises here and there. had a great time :).

went to meet up with my ex-colleagues for lunch.went to thai express at tiong bahru. they drew this really cute "card" for me. courtesy of gil and kaori. can always depend on them for these kind of things. lol. i should scan it and put it up! they also gave me this cute pig that plays music and can move its head. but it has no eyes and mouth. lol.

anyway so lunch was goodie goodie! then i went to vivo and shopped! gosh, bought 3 pieces of clothing there. how exciting.

then met up with him at around 3:15pm, which was earlier then expected. walked around, got me a present and a slice of cake(which i was too full to eat). bummed around and tried to get tix for ocean's 13 in vivo, but timings weren't good. so we went to clarke quay to bum around (hahaha). then we went to plaza sing! managed to get tix for oceans. the show was not bad, but i preferred oceans 12. yet again, ocean's 12 was a bit on the complicated side. guess 13's about simplicity. and i heart george clooney + brad pitt. :)

went to cafe cartel for dinner, gosh they serve such HUGE portions. he sent me home after that.

thanks everyone for the smses, the calls, the tags! really appreciate it :). thanks veron for the call! didn't expect you to call from toronto! and sua too! help me thank your section mates too(that's what they are right?) that's the nice thing about army boys. always happy to join in the birthday wishing hahaha.

oh i got punked by eric heah and sufyan. URGHHHH. those two boys. that was really highly unexpected hahaha. suf made his sis call me (i didn't know who was she then), and she went like "hi, is this hui lin? you have a voice msg for you." and proceeded to play this sound clip of some male singing happy birthday to me. at the end of the song, the guy said " hi hui lin. how are you? hope you've had a great day. do you know who's this? this is me. wuzun. the one and only. as promised. take care." i could hear suf's sis giggle in the background at the end. then she went "thank you!" and put down the phone. WTH.

then later, suf called. he told me that that was his sis. and he asked me to guess who was that guy. i guessed eric (wrong ans) and choon heng (still wrong ans) and then finally aravin (yesss!!). WTH. ARAVIN??? ARAVIN = WUZUN. no no no. this can't be happening....>!!!!

so i was like in shock. luckily The BF was with me then. so yar. damage control done. hahaha. then when i went home, eric called me and told me that suf told him abt it. on hindsight, that makes suf a real big mouth, which he usually isnt. so hmm. ahhaha. then i went online and chatted with suf and eric. i just couldnt believe that aravin's wuzun. yada yada yada. then finally, at the climax (there's always a climax somehow), suf said that eric's wuzun! then eric went "you got punked!" WAAAHHHH. WHAT THE *TOOT*!!!

hahaha. was a really funny thing. i still have the sound clip. i'm so so so amused. and eric was using his accent and trying to sound mysterious and sexy and what not. HAHAHAHA. memorable.

so anyway, that's in summary of my bday! oh, oh, let me post the photos i took!

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At Thai Express:

that's rachel looking really excited like a typical auntie who has to light up a candle for her kid's bday cake. hahaha. (gil and kaori, shhhhhhh)

wanna fight?

wheeeee :)!!

"can i blow already??"

*wishes*

the kawaii era. kaori, me, gil. oh look, gil's not wearing her blue shirt :)!

me and auntie rachel and my cake and my present and the rabbit fingers.

"foooooddd...!!" ok i wanted to laugh. gil was laughing, or grinning at least. kaori's THE PRO.

i look like i've something that smells really unpleasant under my nose. or something like that. ok copied that from gil, from harry potter.

"NOBODY STANDS BETWEEN ME AND MY FOOODDD!!!"

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The Boyfriend. ('nuff said ;))

PUNK.

ok yar yar, i'm always acting cute... :p

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Tags:

jw: OOO ur working there?? how exciting!! ok if all goes well, i'd be your latest colleague ;))!! how's the training?

fs: FS!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! long time no see!! your hiatus was really long. and of course you are not an it. you are a he! or simply, FS :). how have u been?

zp: thanks babe :)! hope life's been great for u!!

wuzun: ...*growls*

wuzun's sidekick: ....*growls more*. hahahhaa

andre: hahaha yep! thanks :)! your's in june too right, if my memory didn't fail me? happy belated bday to u too!!

jc: thanks dude :)!

update!! first up on.. meditation

2007-06-12T08:13:00.000-07:00

YO HUMANS!

i'm back! ok i shld have updated a long time ago but i was too lazy soo... hahaha. first i shall talk about my meditation retreat!

it ended on 6 June. it was tough, especially for me, a first time beginner. whoaa. let me copy and paste the schedule for you (excluding the first and last day)

4:30-5:00	am	Rising/Walking Meditation 起身/行禅
5:00-6:30	am	Group Sitting 集体坐禅
6:30-7:30	am	Breakfast 早餐 Area Cleaning 打扫
7:30-8:00	am	Walking Meditation 行禅
8:00-9:30	am	Group Sitting 集体坐禅
9:30-10:00	am	Walking Meditation/Interview 行禅/小参
10:00-11:00	am	Group Sitting 集体坐禅
11:00-12:00	am	Lunch 午餐
12:00-2:00	pm	Rest/Bathing休息/冲凉时间
2:00-3:30	pm	Group Sitting 集体坐禅
3:30-4:00	pm	Walking Meditation/Interview 行禅/小参
4:00-5:30	pm	Sitting Meditation 坐禅
5:30-7:15	pm	Bathing /Refreshment冲凉/茶点
7:15	pm	Puja 颂经
7:30-9:00	pm	Group Sitting 集体坐禅3^rd June Dhamma Talk 佛法开示2^nd, 5^th June CD Recording 4^th June
9:00	pm	Lights off 熄灯

plus, we had to take the 8 precepts and maintain noble silence (basically no talking), and go vegetarian.

The 8 precepts are:
1^st: Abstaining from killing living creatures.
2^nd: Abstaining from taking what is not given.
3^rd: Abstaining from all sexual conduct.
4^th: Abstaining from wrong speech.
5^th: Abstaining from intoxicants.
6^th: Abstaining from eating after noon.
7^th: Abstaining from dancing, singing, worldly entertainment; adorning oneself with garlands, perfumes, or cosmetics.
8^th: Abstaining from using high or luxurious seats & beds.

anyway the meditation itself was ok lar.i guess it's a good start, plant a seed, and may it grow.

during the retreat i couldnt really tell if anything was different, but what was really interesting was to see how your perception changed after meditation

1) on the last day, the moment we (parents+me) went into the car to go home and we started talking, we started getting irritated with one another! gosh, noble silence is real important, allows a lot of peace and harmony.

2) when i got home (4pm), i wasn't really hungry? so i drank a cup of milo. and then after that, whatever i ate, i knew it was out of greed. i didn't have to eat dinner. but the more u eat, the more hungry you seem to get. real pure greed. feeds on itself. and your stomach doesn't feel good. so the 6th precept is good!

3) i was watching So You Think You Can Dance. and i felt so so so sad at the end of the show. because the host told the audience to stay tune to the next episode to watch the contestants fight it out. and i was thinking, gosh, this world is so sad! we have programmes that encourage fighting and disharmony. and the best part was there were audience to watch it, and they were cheering so happily about it! people were happy watching others fighting and crying! gosh. and most of our variety shows involve fighting in some way, and the movies we watch tend to have violence and sex and unhappiness. sigh.

4) you get tired very very easily. even though i didn't do much when i got home, i just went to watch tv, i got SO TIRED and SO DRAINED. during the retreat i had to walk around, stay awake and meditate, and no, i was always feeling alert. this world is moving too fast lar. it's too noisy. and you realise there are many redundant distractions around us(like tv)

5) the next day when i wore my contacts, i realised that my eyesight improved!! omg. it's usually blur and i can;t see things clearly, but that day it was super clear and sharp. it's either cuz of the meditation, or cuz of not wearing contacts for 6 days. hahaha

ok those are the main difference that i noticed. of course, i've inducted myself back into the rat race. super not peaceful and restless now. one more thing, i finally feel guilty when i eat meat. hahaha.